


The Most Beautiful Beginning

by Lily Saint Claire (JewLo)



Series: Beautiful Minds [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, M/M, My time line is whackadoo, Rimming, Romance, Threesome - M/M/M, just deal with it please, the possibility of other kink later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-23 07:58:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4869233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewLo/pseuds/Lily%20Saint%20Claire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron and Spencer start a life together. Spencer explores his sexuality and deals with the trauma of his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out In The Open

**Author's Note:**

> This story evolves constantly as I write it, so tags change and are added. I have no idea where I am going with this and I just write what comes to mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Spencer are honest about their relationship with their loved ones.

Aaron hated lying. He hated manipulating and scheming, but he knew there was a game that had to be played when it came to the politics of his job and he was not about to lose Spencer or his job because of a policy. Erin Strauss knew about his relationship with Spencer. She had caught on after seeing them in the parking garage together. It was just a little slip, a simple kiss on the lips and a brush of his hand against the warm column of Spencer’s neck, but Erin had seen it and she was no fool. Aaron and Spencer had been called into her office, but Aaron told Spencer not to go. Spencer had looked confused until Aaron gave him a stern look and said,

“Let me handle it.”

So he did. Aaron had no evidence but he had begun to suspect Strauss had been carrying on a lengthy affair with Agent Donovan Craith, a well respected agent in the organized crime division. Craith was married, had four children and the same anti-fraternization policy as the BAU did. So, when Strauss called him in and insisted Spencer be there too with the intention of giving them both a tongue lashing, Aaron laid into her. He told her that she was welcome to report their relationship, but in turn, he would report hers and she had far more to lose. He didn’t like being part of her cover up, but the fact was that either way, he was screwed and so was Craith’s poor wife. He hoped the threat would make Strauss rethink her involvement with Craith. The rest didn’t matter. In the end, after some heated words and a few threats that would never get off the ground, Aaron convinced Strauss to keep his relationship with Spencer off the books, to look the other way. In turn, he would make sure their relationship never interfered with their ability to work at the top of their game. Strauss wasn’t happy, but she could do nothing about it and she relented.

The team had known since that day in the cabin on Tashamine Island, when Spencer had woke from a drugged haze and a terrified panic and they had kissed in front of everyone. Charlie Kincaid kidnapped Spencer and made him a part of his bizarre ritual sacrifice until Rossi shot the bastard just before he would have killed Spencer. Charlie Kincaid died in a hospital in Tacoma, Washington six hours later and Spencer was left with emotional scars that would never completely heal. When Spencer woke and kissed Aaron, he could not push him away. He did not care what anyone thought anymore. He had almost lost the love of his life and the thought was soul-shattering. The team had looked on in shock as they kissed and he pulled Spencer into his arms and rocked him until the sleepy wave of drugs overtook him again. 

###

JJ took the news with quiet and elegant support. Aaron had explained to her how he was very serious about Spencer over a cup of bad coffee in the cafeteria and JJ had simply nodded and shrugged and said, 

“You do what you need to do to be happy.”

###

Emily was more surprised. Aaron and Spencer went to lunch with her at a Thai place that she claimed had the best pad thai in the city. She watched Aaron’s hand slip over Spencer’s and she smiled, but the confusion was clear.

“Look, guys, I am just confused. I mean, I thought you were straight, Aaron.”

“You assumed I wasn’t straight?” Spencer tossed in, struggling with chopsticks. 

“Spence, I assumed you were your own thing. And that kiss right after Charlie Kincaid… I thought that was a drug induced haze. So, are you telling me you two are really a thing? A serious thing?”

“Very serious,” Aaron said, pouring another cup of tea for Spencer, who gave up on the chopsticks and asked for a fork. “We aren’t letting it interfere with work. We’re compartmentalizing and making this work for everyone. But, we don’t want to lie to our team… our friends, and so we’re telling you so there won’t be any lies between us.”

Emily had nodded and then smiled and raised her cup of tea for a toast.

“To Aaron and Spencer,” she said. “May you know true happiness and love.”

Their cups met with a soft clink.

###

Derek Morgan was harder to convince. Aaron met him alone, leaving Spencer out of it, expecting some backlash. Derek ran the same track as Aaron almost every morning, and though they usually gave a quick nod or a ‘good morning’ to each other as they passed, this time Aaron asked if they could have a moment to chat.

“Yeah Hotch, what’s going on?”

Aaron was slightly out of breath.

“I don’t want to keep secrets from the team, Derek, I think you know that.”

“Yeah.”

“OK, well, I think I should fess up about me and Reid.”

“You and Reid?”

“That moment after Kincaid…”

“Oh yeah. Hey man, I know shit gets weird when someone goes through something like that. If the kid had kissed me, I would have let him too. It was a human moment, Hotch. I’m glad you were understanding enough to just let it happen and move on.”

“Actually… it didn’t end there. It uh… it didn’t start there either.”

There was a long pause and Derek wiped sweat off of his brow with a towel.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that Spencer and I… have been seeing each other, since just before the incident with Kincaid.”

“Seeing each other? Hotch, you’re straight. Are you joshing me? Because I know you’re not the best prankster and this isn’t funny.”

“No, it’s not a joke. Spencer Reid is my partner. My life partner. I’m very serious. I just don’t want to keep this kind of thing a secret or a lie.”

“But… you’re not even gay.”

“I’ve always liked both genders. I just never talked about it.”

Derek took a long time to process and then looked at Aaron with a fierce scowl.

“Hotch, Reid is just a baby, man. He doesn’t know how shit works. The kid has been kidnapped twice, that shit with Tobias Hankel and then Charlie Kincaid and now you’re telling me you’re fucking him on the side? How do you think he is gonna handle it when you’re done and you move on and he’s left…”

“Derek, it’s not like that, I assure you.”

“Yeah, well, you better be damn sure that I’ll be looking out for that kid, Hotch. Look, I like you. I respect you. Hell, you’re like family to me, but Reid is special and you know that. He doesn’t need someone all up in his brain rewiring the circuit board. So, if you’re in it to get a piece of ass…”

“Derek, I love him. I truly love him.”

Derek paused and Aaron watched those curious eyebrows knit.

“Jesus, man. You’re serious? You’re in this?”

“I’m in this, and Derek, I respect that you are protecting Spencer. You’re a good man, and we’re both lucky to have you in our lives. I hope this is something you can accept and know that we both take it seriously.”

“You gotta be careful with him, Hotch. He’s not like you and me. He’s not like anybody else.”

“I know that. Believe me. I know.”

Derek nodded solemnly and clapped Aaron on the back in a bro gesture as he continued his run.

 

###

Rossi already knew, but he approached Aaron in the firing range and took off his headphones to ask,

“How are things going with the boy genius?”

“Good. As good as can be expected, really. He is getting therapy with a really good therapist. We’re considering moving in together, but Spencer likes his own space. I haven’t told Haley yet, and I think maybe I need everyone on board before we get to that point.”

“It’s been what… three months?”

“Three months since Seattle, yeah.”

“No second thoughts?”

“Of course there are second thoughts. I wake up every day and wonder what the hell I’m doing with a kid in his twenties and…”

“Aaron.”

“What?”

“Do NOT fuck this up.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Yeah, but you overthink everything. You always have to do what’s in the books. Well, fuck the books. Reid is right for you. You need him and he needs you. Simple as that.”

“I love him, David, of course. But I think I would be insane not to have some concerns that what we are doing is not likely to last. Our age difference alone is…”

“Aaron Hotchner, look at my face.”

Aaron obliged and managed a whispered,

“What?”

“If you break that kid’s heart, I will hunt you down. I will destroy you in ways that would make it impossible to draw a chalk outline.”

“David, I’m not going to…”

“Do. We. Have. An. Understanding?”

Aaron solemnly nodded. David Rossi was not a man anyone wanted to tangle with and he had made himself Spencer’s guardian angel. Despite the mafioso warning, the gesture was touching. Everyone loved Spencer. He wondered if Spencer knew that. 

###

Nobody had to tell Penelope. She just knew. Aaron knew she had caught their glances, their gestures, the way they stood too close and sometimes Reid slipped his foot out of his shoe under the table and rubbed his toes against Aaron’s ankle, mismatched crazy socks and all. Penelope had caught them more than once. She had walked into Aaron’s office once without knocking and found Spencer sitting half on the desk, with Aaron’s arms around him and their lips locked. Aaron made a note to resist Spencer more at work. Penelope had left the room squealing with joy. The next day, she brought a box of chocolates to his office and locked the door behind her.

“Garcia?”

“Sir, I… I know it’s none of my business… but… but… I…”

“Out with it.”

“Sir, I think it’s wonderful that you and Dr. Reid are… you know… and I think that… with all he has been through and all you have been through… that… well, that you have each other… is just beautiful… so, Sir, I just want you to know that I wish you both all the love in the world, OK?”

“That’s very sweet, Garcia.”

“Is it a serious thing now?”

“Yes, Penelope, it is a very serious thing.”

“Oh, wow. You called me Penelope.”

Aaron smiled and gestured for her to sit.

“Spencer and I are together, and we are being honest about it with the team, but it needs to stay a secret outside the team for obvious reasons.”

“I understand, Sir.”

“Thank you. Now, we need to get back to work.”

“Of course, Sir. Just one more thing, Sir.”

“Yes.”

“Well… I feel I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you that Boy Wonder is my baby-boy and it doesn’t matter if he knows it or not. Sir, what I’m trying to say is that I have the teeth and claws of an epileptic ferret and I will claw the eyes out of anyone who does my baby-boy harm. So, please, Sir… be good to him. I know where you live.”

Aaron smiled and reached out to hug her, which seemed to throw her off a little. She recovered and fumbled a moment, then nodded and turned to leave, grabbing a chocolate before she grinned and shut the door behind her. 

###

Aaron sat at his desk and took a deep breath. He opened the little locked drawer and pulled out a folder full of real estate profiles; different houses on the market that he liked and thought Spencer might like too. It was too soon for that, really. The idea of moving in together, into their own place was a harrowing one. However, almost losing Spencer had made him want to speed everything up and take more risks. He wondered if living with Spencer would drive him crazy and he decided upon five minutes of contemplation that it would likely drive anyone crazy, but that he would simply deal with it. Maybe if Spencer had an “off” button… He quickly tried to stuff the folder back in the drawer when the door to his office opened. Spencer stood there, eating a muffin and looking heartwarmingly befuddled. Aaron tried not to smile.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, just some notes I need to send to Strauss.”

“You’re lying,” Spencer said matter-of-factly. “Your lip curls up when you’re lying.”

“OK genius, it’s not notes for Strauss. It’s something we need to talk about, but… not here.”

“Something… bad?”

“Something good.”

Spencer smiled and Aaron felt that tug on his heart again. He resisted the urge to kiss Spencer, to lay him back on his desk and shove away the paperwork like one of those ridiculous rom-com movies where there are no consequences to anything. Then he put the silly thought away and put his work face back on.


	2. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tries to make his family whole again and Spencer deals with the trauma of his kidnap.

The idea of having an entire month away from work was daunting. Aaron had never taken so much time away from responsibility, but he knew Spencer needed the time to heal. He needed time away from the darkness that was their everyday lives. The plan was set; four days in London, three days in the Cotswolds and the rest of the time roaming around Scotland. They had arranged for Haley and Jack to join them for the England leg of the trip. Aaron went to Haley’s parents house in Vermont for a weekend with Spencer in tow and everything was out in the open after that. He had told her over the phone that he was seeing someone and she took it with grace and even encouragement. She had begun seeing a real estate contractor named Marcus and the two were at the beginning stages of what looked like a promising relationship. Aaron still loved her. He missed her everyday. But it was a different kind of love than what he had with Spencer. His love for Haley would be forever. She was the mother of his child and she had been one of only two great loves of his life. 

It made Aaron glow that Spencer instinctively understood this. It had been Spencer who insisted that Haley and Jack accompany them for part of their trip. Spencer had bought them first class tickets to London and arranged for their hotel room. Spencer booked all kinds of activities for the family to do, and Aaron had watched with great relief as Spencer and Haley sat at the dining table pouring over information about places to go with Jack. Haley seemed charmed by Spencer. At first, his youthfulness alarmed her. Aaron had spoken of his entire team to Haley before and she had met Spencer at business socials and other functions, but it had never occurred to her that Aaron would ever BE with Spencer. 

“He’s so… young. And so… smart,” she said when they took a walk through the autumn leaves. Aaron worried the walk would spark his romantic feelings for her again, but in truth all it did was make him ache for a time when he had his family together under one roof. But Spencer was his life now.

“I know all this is a big surprise, but… I was hoping you might let me know that this doesn’t… bother you.”

“Bother me? On some level, of course it does. I still love you and always will, Aaron, but we both have to move on. I know you have to find someone who has the same priorities in life that you do. The truth is, we had a great run of it and you’ll always be in my heart, but I like Spencer. I think he’s good for you. You look… happy.”

“I am.”

“Then I’m happy for you, and I would love to run around England with the two of you.”

“Marcus is welcome to join us, of course,” Aaron said.

“We’ve only been seeing each other a month. I think it’s too soon for that. But thank you.”

“So… you’re OK with Spencer?”

“He’s sweet and smart and he makes you happy. Yes, Aaron, I like him. And he organized my bookshelves and cross referenced everything by subject and literary merit. He made Jack a Millennium Falcon out of Legos. I like him.”

She smiled and Aaron was happy to see her smile.

That weekend had gone exceptionally well, and the weekend after that at Aaron’s townhouse with Haley, Jack and Marcus had gone off without a hitch. Jack’s playdate with Marcus’s seven year old son, Adam had been successful. Haley had gone out shopping with Spencer to buy a backyard playset for Adam and Jack and Haley had been sweet enough to insist Spencer come along to “verify its structural integrity,” which Spencer gladly fell for and excitedly went along to a Toys R Us and then to an arcade with Haley and the boys where he taught them how to beat the stuffed animal grabber twelve times in a row. Haley liked Spencer and Aaron felt a brick fall off of his shoulder. 

Spencer threw himself into work, study and building relations with Haley and Jack as a method of healing, or at least not letting the wounds caused by Tobias Hankel and Charlie Kincaid fester to the surface. He had therapy three times a week. The wounds were fresh but Spencer was a warrior. Aaron, with Spencer’s permission, told Haley what had happened to Spencer on that island off the coast of Washington state, though he left out the more disturbing details. Haley made Aaron promise to care for Spencer, to never let him go, because, she had said, he was special and Aaron damn well knew it. 

At night, Spencer often woke with night terrors. His therapist prescribed sleeping pills that Spencer refused to take. He wanted no chance of rekindling an addiction. Once a week, he went to an addicts support group that he drove 80 miles to attend. There was an AA group right downtown but Spencer informed Aaron that AA was a faith based group that had absolutely no evidence of actually working. Basically, he had said, it was 50/50 with AA. You had just as much chance of kicking your addiction with AA that you had with a monkey circus. It seemed to be a sore point for him, the giant scam of it. People got better and they gave the credit to AA, because it happened to be there. The support group he attended was science based, using a method researched and backed by data. Spencer was a man of science and he could not put that aside. In any case, he had been clean for a long while and looked to be staying that way. Regardless, Spencer had the number of a rehabilitation clinic on his primary contacts list on his cell, just in case. He was vigilant. He had even mapped where he could attend meetings in the UK, where the method he used was far more popular than in the USA. He would let nothing get in the way of his sobriety. 

It was a cool day in Autumn when the team met at Rossi’s house for one of his team building, wine drinking get togethers. It felt good to not have to hide their relationship anymore, at least not in front of the people they trusted. Aaron watched Spencer help David make homemade pasta, running it through a pasta machine and then spreading it out over ropes of twine stretched from cabinet to cabinet. He saw Spencer pause, frozen in place for just a moment and knew it was a memory of Charlie Kincaid. The twine. The bundles of drying herbs, similar to the bundles of rosemary and basil that hung from an old fashioned Italian rack in David’s kitchen. David must have seen that pause too because his sharp eyes darted around and Aaron heard him lean in to Spencer and say,

“I’ll get rid of all this stuff, kiddo. Just give me a minute to clear everyone out of here…”

“No, David. I’m OK. It just… startled me for a second. I’m fine. Let’s make some more noodles. This is very satisfying to my case of mild obsessive compulsive disorder.”

David smiled at that and shot Aaron a glance as if to say, ‘I got this.’ 

Later that night, Aaron stepped out to go to the market quickly to pick up some fresh garlic for David and when he returned, Spencer was dancing with JJ, with her protectively wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. There was no music. She was whistling near his ear. He was crying. Aaron felt a surge of need to run to him and find out why he was crying. Was it the memories? Probably. He realized that he had to be careful not to always be the one who gave Spencer comfort. Spencer had many people who loved him, and JJ had him. JJ was taking care of it and nothing would get to Spencer with JJ there. The woman was fierce and had a natural motherly instinct. She may have always been quiet and under the radar about her motherly affection for Spencer but Aaron knew that Spencer had always been one of JJ’s cubs. Her comforting method was quiet and stunningly effective. Aaron just watched a while, and witnessed how without words, she was simply there for him. It was beautiful and Aaron respected her even more. Little JJ, with Spencer towering over her, and God help the person who tried to get through her. Aaron wasn’t about to try. Spencer met his eyes over her shoulder and Aaron saw the sad smile there. Aaron mouthed ‘I love you’ and Spencer silently said it back then dipped JJ and she laughed and hugged him, patting him on the back and saying that if he needed her, she would always dance with him and always whistle in his ear. 

Most nights, Aaron stayed the night at Spencer’s house even though it was further away from work. He really only stayed at his own place when Jack was there. They spent most of their nights together doing blissfully mundane things. They didn’t make love often. The few times they did, Spencer panicked in the middle of it and Aaron stopped and just held him the rest of the night. Spencer was always embarrassed and apologetic though Aaron assured him he need not be. Aaron assured him that sex did not have to be a part of their relationship, at least not until Spencer had more time to heal. Spencer insisted on at least trying. 

“I don’t like going one night without touching you,” Spencer said, his face buried in Aaron’s shoulder. 

“We’ll take our time.”

Aaron insisted on taking over some of the planning of the Scotland leg of their trip; their time alone. He had surprises lined up for Spencer. He hoped the time away would help Spencer find himself again.


	3. Time Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer and Aaron take some time away from work in England and Scotland. Aaron gets serious.

The week before they departed for London, there were piles of books set out on Spencer’s dining table, books about Scottish and English history, books of poetry by Robert Burns and dozens of volumes of Shakespeare, Marlowe, Chaucer and medieval poetry. Aaron was stunned that in just one week, Spencer had read every single one of them. Aaron had picked up a book of Chaucer’s work and thumbed through it, but the language didn’t speak to him the way it did to Spencer. He stayed up late one night, trying to get the words to speak to him and he had dozed off when Spencer found him lying on the couch with the book open on his chest. Spencer’s smile was worth every effort. He looked like a kid that found that a favorite pet could actually talk. Aaron felt stupid, but he didn’t tell Spencer. He didn’t want to ruin it. He learned that week that preparing for a trip brought out Spencer’s OCD. The kid packed and repacked his suitcase at least a dozen times, paring everything down to fit in perfect, neat little arrangements. He had one suitcase for clothes and essentials and another entire suitcase of books. Aaron went out and bought him an iPad, loaded a Kindle app on it and downloaded every book in the suitcase onto the device. Spencer looked at it with a barely detectable wiggle of his nose, as if there was a bad smell in the room, but he said thank you and by the end of the week he had unpacked the suitcase full of books and loaded dozens more ebooks onto his device. Spencer admitted that he liked the convenience with a bit of sourness mixed with appreciation. 

“It’s just that the romance of printed books is gone with the technology. You can’t feel the paper in your hands. You can’t smell old books and touch them.”

Aaron made up for this by getting Spencer a beautiful leather-bound book of Chaucer’s ‘Troilus & Criseyde’ - a copy published in 1877 that he hunted down and found in a rare books shop in Baltimore. The book was beautiful, and old and it smelled like Spencer. Aaron had spent too much money on it, but Spencer had gotten comically excited when he gave it to him, and declared that he would only read one page a day to make it last. 

The flight to London was eight hours of Spencer talking. Aaron did not hush him. Let the kid talk, he thought. Spencer Reid was one of the planet’s foremost geniuses and no one ever just let him talk. I’ll hush him at work, Aaron thought, and just let him ramble. It was annoying but it was an essential part of Spencer. By the time they checked into their hotel in Kensington, Aaron was exhausted and passed out on the bed while Spencer read his page of Chaucer.

They had a day to themselves before Haley and Jack would arrive and they spent it wandering through The Royal Academy Of Arts and The V&A. Aaron couldn’t quite get the hang of not needing to be at work and he feared it showed. Spencer seemed to have the same problem, but they both kept quiet about it and simply fidgeted nervously. There was no cell phone ringing, no case files to pour over and no emergencies to jump to. Somewhere, a killer is slaughtering people and I am cruising paintings at the V&A, Aaron thought with a hefty amount of guilt. 

“We’re gonna have to put this away, you know,” Spencer suddenly said when they left the V&A to find a cozy restaurant in Mayfair. “We have to not have our heads in work when Jack gets here.”

“I know. I just feel guilty.”

“Me too. But… this is family time and you and me time.”

“Spot of tea, luv?” Aaron put on his best fake English accent and failed miserably which made Spencer laugh so it was worth the embarrassment. 

They found a place called Mr. Fogg’s which was a tea house modeled after the home of the fictional Jules Verne character, Philleas Fogg in Around The World In 80 Days. It was old and Edwardian and not at all Aaron’s cup of tea, but Spencer loved it so Aaron played along. Later, they went to Westmister Abbey and the houses of parliament and that was Aaron’s cup of tea and it was Spencer’s too. That night, Aaron saw Spencer toss and turn, his eyelids twitching rapidly. A nightmare, but then Spencer had nightmares every night. Aaron didn’t wake him up, but held him close.

The next day Haley and Jack arrived and Aaron watched with relief and joy as Spencer led Haley and Jack around London like a demented tour guide. That week, they took Jack to The Museum Of Natural History, a legos exhibit, The London Eye, so many museums that Aaron lost count. Spencer went full four-year old showing Jack around the Science Museum and taking him to see The Lion King and Shrek The Musical which wasn’t anyone’s cup of tea but Jack’s and they were all just fine with that. Aaron and Haley maintained a friendly but slightly confused distance and Aaron hoped Spencer wasn’t overstepping his bounds with how immediately open and free he was with Jack. After a few days, he started to loosen up and just enjoy everything. Haley seemed to settle into the joy and everyone was happy. It was the first time in months that Aaron felt truly happy and at ease. Haley and Jack departed with sweet goodbyes and Aaron felt a flutter of complete joy when he saw Haley hug Spencer and playfully ruffle his shaggy mess of hair before heading off to Heathrow airport. 

The night Haley left for Baltimore, Aaron checked his email and sat back in shock. A close friend, Daniel had lost his wife, Carly to a car accident. A drunk driver had sideswiped her car and knocked her into a canal. She died on impact. Aaron had known the couple for fifteen years and they were the kind of bonded people who had become one. Aaron had never imagined them apart, never one without the other. He called Daniel to offer his condolences and was given a solemn piece of advice,

“Aaron, if you find love again, don’t let it go. Take the risk or you’re a fool.”

The truth of that hit him square in the gut. He could not risk losing Spencer. It had not been long, but some things were certain. Some things didn’t need to be thought out. That night, over tea and a lot of rambling about Chaucer, Aaron was caught staring.

“Why are you staring at me?” Spencer tried to hide a little smile.

“Because you’re beautiful.”

“I’m happy.”

“Are you?” Aaron asked. “With me?”

“The pain is still there and to be honest, I don’t know if it will ever go away… but, I’m happy and I’m in love and that dampens the pain. You make me happy.”

“Stay with me.”

“I will.”

“I mean it.” Aaron set down his tea and took Spencer’s soft, cool hand. “This is right for both of us. It’s crazy but it’s right. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m here, Aaron. I’m not going anywhere.”

Spencer sat at the desk in their room, writing postcards to JJ, Penelope and Derek. He carefully wrote out a beautifully scripted calligraphy letter to Rossi. Aaron watched him, unable to look away because he was terrified. The fear became a stone in his stomach and a lump in his throat. He started planning, and he was still planning when Spencer fell asleep at midnight with the light on and Chaucer laying on his shoulder.


	4. A Shining Band Of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has a surprise for Spencer.

“I’m sorry. So sorry,” Spencer whispered as Aaron gently pulled away from him and then reached out to stroke his hair.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Aaron said. “Like I said, we can take our time. Until you’re ready, we’ll just play.”

“I love touching you. I just… when we get going, I see his face.”

“We’ll take our time, Spence.”

“I like it when you call me that.”

“Then I’ll always call you that.”

“Except at work,” Spencer reminded him.

“Right.”

Aaron got out of bed and slipped his pajamas on, clearly avoiding temptation. Spencer felt like a jerk. He could kiss and touch Aaron, turn him on and then… Charlie Kincaid’s face blended with Tobias Hankel’s and all Spencer could do was shake and recoil. Luckily Aaron was made of steel and treated this with compassion and patience, but Spencer wondered how long he could hold out before it really started to annoy him. They distracted themselves with the beauty of Scotland. Spencer had arranged to rent a countryside cottage just outside a little village in Perthshire called Kenmore at the mouth of Loch Tay. It was a truly gorgeous place and they walked along the banks of the loch every morning together, not another soul in sight. 

There was a dock that stretched out far over the water and Aaron taught him how to fish, which Spencer had never done before. Spencer went along with Aaron, renting mountain bikes and going over the rough paths through the woods. Spencer was wobbly at best but Aaron slowed down to let him keep up and after a while Spencer got the hang of it. It made Aaron happy and that was all that mattered. Spencer visited every book shop he found, and was currently obsessed with a manual on medieval falconry. One morning, Aaron woke Spencer up early and insisted they go for a drive out to a place called Easterwood Farm. Spencer wondered what the hell Aaron wanted to do at a farm, but he got in the car and went along. They arrived at a remote country estate with a small fortified manor house. Spencer was stunned and delighted to find that Aaron had arranged for them to have falconing lessons at the mews by an eighth generation falconry expert who had written several books on the topic’s history. Spencer had to smile. It clearly was not Aaron’s area of interest, but the man was trying his best and trying not to flinch with terror when the Harris Hawk opened its wings in his face and screeched. Spencer was lost in joy. These were the things he fantasized about as a child; the romance and rich history of storybooks. It was his childhood of Dungeons & Dragons and Tolkien and Chaucer and another world completely. Spencer was so lost in joy that somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware that he had what Garcia would likely call a shit-eating grin on his face, so goofy that it could not be cured, when Aaron asked,

“Are you blissful right now?”

“Completely.”

“Good, because I want you high on happy when I do this.”

“Hmm? Do what?” Spencer asked, clueless.

He saw Aaron reach into his coat pocket. He saw the little black velvet box. He saw the Harris Hawk fly out to search for its prey again. He saw a flaming orange Autumn leaf fall on Aaron’s shoulder. He saw Aaron reach out and take his hand and he knew his hand was shaking. His body was registering what his brain could not. Are my knees weak? He thought. Oh yes, my knees are weak and I might fall over. 

“Spence, I want to wake up every morning next to you. I want to know that you and I are forever. I know its fast. I know that it might scare you, and God knows it scares me too, but I don’t want to guess anymore or live my life not taking risks. I want you in my life.”

Aaron opened the box and inside was a beautifully simple and elegant gold ring set with a small eye of a ruby. It looked antique, not something of this era at all. Spencer’s heart lurched and his throat went dry.

“Aaron… are you… serious?”

“Spencer Reid, will you be my life partner? My husband? Will you do me the sublime honor of marrying me?”

And it shocked Spencer that the answer felt as natural as heartbeat and bone.

“Yes, absolutely. Yes. Aaron, are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“I can’t believe this is happening… Aaron, I think my diastolic pressure is going up… yep, definitely spiking…”

He heard Aaron laugh and felt him press a kiss against his forehead. 

“Are YOU sure?”

“No, but I feel like its the right thing to do. I mean, I love you and why wait around, but… we don’t even live together.”

“We’ll get a place together. Some place new that we both choose. I’ve been scouting some places…”

“We’re really doing this?”

“Yeah. You said yes. I’m holding you to it,” Aaron smiled and that smile made Spencer’s heart thump. “We can do it now if you want. We’ll find a place and we’ll get married.”

“No, we can’t do that,” Spencer said, pulling Aaron close. “Jack has to be there.”

“Of course. I just want to do this before you change your mind.”

“I won’t change my mind. But… how can we work together? I mean, because policy…”

“I have an arrangement with Strauss, and technically if we don’t update our records to show it, then it won’t be in the system. I can talk to Hatfield and Granger and keep it off the records.”

“And we can stay on the same team?”

“It’s happened before and worked. I have some convincing to do but Hatfield and Granger both owe me favors.”

“Aaron, I… I mean, are you… do you know what you’re getting into?” Spencer felt a lump of fear form in his throat. “I mean, I’m… damaged. And I can’t even be normal… in the bedroom.”

“That can wait. I’ll wait. I love you.”

###

Spencer drove and Aaron slept in the car with his coat spread out over him for a blanket. Goldberg Variations played on the stereo but it didn’t keep Aaron awake. Spencer occasionally glanced at him and smiled to see him relaxed and not worried about work for a change. It had been a week since the proposal and they had spent the time exploring the Scottish highlands where Aaron’s ancestors were from. Spencer had spent several afternoons in the genealogy sections of libraries, searching over records of Aaron’s mother’s lineage. He was Scottish, Dutch and German and through some careful research, he managed to piece together that Aaron’s mother’s family had roots in a beautiful gothic revival town called Elgin, and that his great uncle had been a monk at the abbey at Fort Augustus on the banks of Loch Ness. Aaron had been completely surprised by all of this and admitted to having no knowledge of his background before his family immigrated to America in the 1920’s. Spencer was glad to make him happy. He gripped the steering wheel tighter and watched the ruby gem of the engagement ring sparkle in the rare Scottish sunlight. 

He wasn’t sure how any of this would play out. How the hell do you have a wedding? He had never even been to a wedding. What did people do at weddings? How would Jack react? And Haley? Would she be angry? He liked Haley and wanted her to like him. How would the team react? Knowing they were together was one thing, but married? It was happening so fast, but somehow it felt right. He finally had someone to love, someone special and truly noble and he could not imagine losing Aaron. Lately, all he could think about was Aaron. 

“We’re almost there,” Spencer said gently, reaching to stroke a hand over Aaron’s arm. 

He shifted in his seat and slowly woke up, smiling a smile that Spencer wished were permanently plastered on his face. Spencer pulled into the unpaved path of a beautiful country road leading to a half timbered house with a large garden in front.

“Well, that looks storybook,” Aaron said, smiling.

“I thought you might like it. It’s quiet and there’s no one around for miles.”

“I’ll bring the suitcases in…” Aaron started.

“No, leave them for in the morning. I just want to go straight to the bedroom.”

“You tired?”

“Not at all.”


	5. Bend & Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer struggles with intimacy, but Aaron can take his time.

There was that little bite and tuck of Spencer’s bottom lip that never failed to send a spark of a signal straight to Aaron’s cock. Keep it together, he told himself. Don’t throw him on the bed and tear his clothes off… how do you tear off a sweater vest anyway? Spencer led him upstairs to the bedroom and wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck, pressing against him with delicious abandon. Aaron slid his hands over slender sides and up over Spencer’s arms, pulling cashmere and cotton with him as he went. He discarded the lump of fabric somewhere behind him. Shoes. Socks. Pants. Boxer shorts. Naked. Beautiful. Just beautiful. It was the first time since Charlie Kincaid had kidnapped him that Spencer allowed himself to be completely naked in front of Aaron. They had kissed and touched and played since then, but Spencer had been shy and frightened, though he would not admit it. Aaron knew it had pained Spencer every time they started to make love and Spencer stopped them, hyperventilating and shaking. Clearly he felt embarrassed and drew this up to some kind of weakness, though Aaron assured him it was not. Now, Spencer was naked and shivering in his arms and Aaron wanted to do everything right, whatever that may be. 

“We don’t have to,” Aaron whispered. “I can wait until you’re more ready.”

Spencer shook his head.

“I want to. I don’t want to stop this time, no matter what. Just… keep going, no matter what.”

“I can’t do that, Spence.”

“I know. But I don’t want to be scared anymore. I have to push through that fear. Eventually I have to do it and I don’t want to wait anymore.”

“But Spence…”

“Please, Aaron. I need this.”

Aaron traced a fingertip over baby soft skin and saw the shadowy dark markings of scars on Spencer’s collarbone, his ribcage, his abdomen and his thighs. Aaron had not seen these before, as Spencer had always wanted to keep his clothes on. Charlie Kincaid had left scars that would never heal. Aaron lingered on a dark bruise of a scar just under Spencer’s left nipple and he flattened his warm palm over the flesh, but Spencer took a deep breath and moved his hand away.

“Spence.”

“Sorry, not there. It’s an ugly thing.”

“It’s not. It’s a battle scar. Warriors have battle scars, Spence.”

“I feel so stupid. He just… took me, and it was so fast and I just froze up. That’s the truth of it, Aaron. I didn’t even fight him. I just went limp.”

“You did nothing wrong.”

“Please, whatever I do, don’t stop.”

“Shut up now.”

Aaron kissed him because he couldn’t think of what else to do. He felt Spencer softly kiss back and then the kiss deepening and Spencer’s body going slack against him. Spencer tasted like black tea and honey and Aaron would always associate that taste with Spencer’s lips. He pushed back the mop of artfully messy hair and tangled it through his fingers, dipping Spencer’s head back to kiss down his long column of neck. Aaron sat back on the bed with Spencer standing in front of him and kissed a hot trail over the lithe chest and the soft bit of downy hair that led from navel to cock and back up again. He felt Spencer sigh, felt the little hitch of breath and the shiver.

“Are you cold?” Aaron asked. “It’s cold in here. C’mon, under the covers.”

Spencer slid under the soft blankets and Aaron pulled the duvet over them and covered Spencer with kisses, taking a moment to linger at each of the scars. He felt Spencer’s long fingers lace into his hair and clamp down when he kissed each of the scars. Aaron moved a hand down to grace over the velvet flesh of his cock and felt it harden in his hand. Spencer was breathing harder, breath hitching and starting again. Aaron knew Kincaid had touched him this way and he needed to be careful. He gave Spencer a moment to collect himself before continuing. He saw Spencer nod. 

“You OK?”

“Mmm, yes. Feels good…”

Aaron stroked him, kissed his lips and felt the tension in his hands, his shoulders, his neck. That moistening of his lips again and Aaron was suddenly hard as oak. Go slow, he reminded himself. He moved down under the covers and took the liberty of brushing a fingertip over the sensitive flesh at the peak of Spencer’s hip, flesh that is rarely touched. The touch had the desired effect and Spencer jolted and then laughed. Ticklish. The fear was lightened and Aaron felt Spencer’s warm hand brush over his ear in gratitude. Aaron dipped down to kiss the head of Spencer’s cock and felt the young man shiver and sigh before Aaron took it in his mouth, burrowing down till his nose touched the downy curls at the apex of his thighs. Spencer gasped and his legs curled but Aaron gently straightened him out without letting go. Aaron began to suck in long, slow strokes and Spencer began to shake. He looked up and saw the look of terror on Spencer’s beautifully expressive face. He slowed his motions and let the cock slide out of his mouth.

“Spence.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be.”

“When I was… drugged… Kincaid, he… did that. I didn’t remember until now, but he did that and I couldn’t move…”

“We can stop…”

“No! Aaron, don’t stop. I want you to take away the sting of it. If he’s the last person who touched me that way, I want you to erase it. I want you to be the one who touches me like that. Aaron, please.”

“Are you absolutely sure?” Aaron gently touched the hard, velvety flesh and felt Spencer sigh.

“Yes. I’m just… remembering things. But I want to kill all of that with you. Sorry I’m a pain in the ass.”

He saw Spencer turn the engagement ring on his finger nervously and Aaron reached to lace his fingers with Spencer’s.

“Yes, but you’re MY pain in the ass.”

Spencer’s soft smile, nervous but ready. He nodded. Aaron sank back down on hard length and petal soft skin, tasting the faint saltiness of a drop of cum. He licked it with a flicker of his tongue and moved up to hover over Spencer and look down. He parted Spencer’s lips and kissed him, sharing the taste. Spencer licked his lips again and Aaron groaned, which he knew turned Spencer on. 

“Have you ever tasted yourself?” he asked, and saw Spencer shake his head no, eyes fixed on him with fascinated openness. “You taste delicious. I want to drink you in. Can I taste you more?”

Overwhelmed, Spencer nodded yes and Aaron slid back down, took the hard length in his mouth and sucked harder and faster until he felt Spencer tighten and curl his fingers into his hair. Hot liquid jetted through his mouth, vaguely salty but otherwise tasteless and Aaron swallowed it down, clamping down to take in more until Spencer was spent completely and collapsed into the mattress, hands quivering and skin glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. 

“Spence, you’re shaking.”

“You’re… like waves and gravity.”

Aaron smiled at that.

“We can stop here, you know.”

“Not a chance. I want to feel you inside me.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“I’ve not been sure about anything in a long time, but… I want this.”

Aaron hesitated and after a minute felt Spencer wrap a long leg around him and wriggle against him. Reaching down again, he stroked Spencer and felt him get hard again. Ah, the young, Aaron thought with a wry smile. Spencer began to turn over under him but Aaron stopped him.

“No. I need to be able to see your face.”

“I won’t want to stop. You don’t have to worry.”

“I DO worry. I want to see your face and know you feel safe.”

“I do feel safe… with you.”

Aaron did not reach for a condom. He wanted to feel bare flesh. He grabbed the small bottle of slick gel they kept in the drawer of the night table and popped the cap, spreading a little onto the length of his cock. He took Spencer’s hand and guided it down, letting him spread the slick liquid over naked flesh and he saw the hitch of breath again, the moistening of cupid’s bowed lips. Aaron wrapped those long legs around his hips and tilted up, giving Spencer time to adjust. When Spencer looked into his eyes and nodded, Aaron pushed. Hot, wet, tight, consuming fire. He heard Spencer moan and wince but only for a moment. Aaron struggled to keep his senses about him and pay attention to Spencer’s face. He was tempted to simply lose control, to crash against slender hips and possess his mouth until he cried into the kiss, but he knew he couldn’t. This isn’t about me, he reminded himself with a moment of stillness, then picked up the pace carefully and steadily. He watched Spencer, saw his eyes flutter and then his head turn and the gulp in his throat. Fear. 

“Hey, look at me,” Aaron coaxed. “You’re with me, and I love you.”

Spencer nodded and Aaron saw the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. 

“I know.”

“I’m stopping,” Aaron insisted, but Spencer pulled him tighter and locked his ankles around Aaron’s hips.

“No, don’t. Please don’t. I want to feel you come inside me. I’ve never felt that. We’ve always used condoms. I want to feel you, please. I can get through the memories.”

“Spence…”

“Please.”

Aaron gently pushed again and then picked up the rhythm. Spencer was grinding his hips against him, inviting him to go faster, harder, and Aaron obliged, struggling to keep his composure when all he wanted to do was let go and wildly fuck. He had never done that with Spencer and he wouldn’t start now, but it was always on his mind. Aaron had always been vigorous with lovers, but Spencer needed gentleness and patience. He could feel him shaking under him, tightening and grasping the bed sheets. 

“You OK, baby?”

“Yes. Harder… please…”

Aaron obliged and felt that temptation to go wild raise further to the surface. Careful, he thought. He will bend and break, so be careful. He switched angles and found that spot, watching Spencer’s eyelids flutter. He held himself up with one arm and reached between them to grasp Spencer’s cock, already leaking a little. He stroked and pushed until he felt the snap, the divine release of body and soul that made Spencer shake all over, gasp, moan and buck against him. Aaron felt his own climax reach the surface and he braced himself on the bed, careful not to let go too much. He looked down and saw Spencer looking into his eyes, lips lightly parted. Beautiful. Jesus, he’s beautiful when he comes, he thought. He let the climax come down and he dipped down to kiss glistening wet lips.

“Thank you,” Spencer whispered, turning the engagement ring again. 

“Are you kidding me? Thank YOU. You’re wonderful in bed, Spencer Reid.”

Aaron withdrew carefully and edged to the side, pulling Spencer against him, sweat damp, satiated and exhausted.

“I’m not sure I am. I think I need a lot of practice.”

“I am more than pleased to be your practice partner.” Aaron ruffled his mess of hair. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m fine. There was a moment or two when it was hard to not let the memories cloud all of it, but you feel so good, it’s hard not to be in the moment with you. Aaron?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Hmm, baby again.”

“Deal with it.”

“Fine. I just want to know… do you get everything you want from this? I mean, when we have sex, I sense that you’re holding back quite a bit and it’s obviously because of me. Because of my lack of experience and because of my current emotional fragility. Are you holding back?”

Aaron proceeded with caution.

“I love being with you.”

“That wasn’t the question.”

“OK. To be honest, yes. I hold back a lot. But I’m OK with that, Spence. You need time and right now…”

“Someday you won’t have to hold back. If you didn’t have to hold back, what would you want to do?”

Aaron gave him a kiss and a wicked smile that made him blush rose pink.

“Break the headboard.”

“I want that too. I want to know what it feels like to have you not holding back. I like that you’re an alpha, Aaron. I want more of that. Someday. I’ll get over all this, you know. And when I do, Aaron…” Spencer kissed him and dared to bite his lip. “Break the headboard.”


	6. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer is having trouble dealing with the past, and Rossi gives him an idea. A lot of psycho-babble.

A glow of winter sunlight glinted off of the snow and back up through the bedroom window, casting a flickering light on Aaron’s face as he slept. Spencer laid beside him, sleepy but awake, missing the serenity of Scotland, but glad to be home in Baltimore where everything was familiar. Spencer watched him sleep, a twitch of a smile playing at his lips as the new morning sunshine moved across cheekbone and jaw. He resisted an urge to touch him. The flight had been long and they were still reeling from jet lag. They had to be at work in two hours and Aaron needed all the sleep he could get. Spencer stared and knew that when he stared at people they found it creepy. Socially unacceptable. But Spencer found some people beautiful and staring at their beauty seemed like a natural response. He learned to temper it over the years, to not stare, or at least to not get caught. Aaron often let him stare. It didn’t bother Aaron at all. He would put his hand behind his head and lay there and let Spencer stare as long as he wanted. Spencer stared because Aaron was beautiful. His dark eyes that were a bit too hawkish, the strong Roman nose, stern mouth, high cheekbones and the classically handsome jawline. He reminded Spencer of movie stars in the 1950’s noir films. French detectives in trench coats and fedoras. Aaron shifted in his sleep and stretched out over the bed. Spencer smiled and leaned in to kiss him, not able to help himself. Aaron came awake with a groan and a smile he reserved for the bedroom only. The smile always made Spencer turn to butter. 

“Staring again?” 

“Hmm? Oh, um… no. I was just…”

“I like it when you stare. You go off into space and your eyes get glossy. You go off into your own world.”

“Most people think it’s creepy.”

“Most people are idiots.”

“We have to go back to normal life in two hours.”

They both shifted and slowly sat up.

“We talked this through in Scotland. We stick to the plan. As long as we remember to focus and not step out of bounds, we can do this,” Aaron said.

“We have to assume our former roles and compartmentalize,” Spencer nodded. “At work, we go by formal names, the way we always have. When work is done, we can relax.”

“At work, you’re Dr. Reid. At home, you’re Spence.”

“Right.”

They both took a deep breath, preparing for the challenge. 

“We probably shouldn’t drive in together.”

“I was thinking that too. I mean, the team knows, but… we need to separate work and home.” Spencer stood up and went to the closet, picking out his clothes for the day.

“I can’t watch you get dressed,” Aaron shut his eyes.

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll end up in the bull pen with a raging boner.”

Spencer smiled and blushed. 

“Once we leave this house and get in our cars, we are in professional mode.”

“Agreed.”

They shook hands and felt stupid doing it. Still, it had to be done.

###

 

For two weeks, they managed to get through their work days with no hint that anything had changed, even though every team member looked in on them. Every one of them asked how their vacation had gone. Every one of them looked for signs that they were anything but colleagues, a chink in their armor. Spencer kept his distance from Aaron at work, even when they flew to West Virginia for a case for four days. They shared a room, but they did not come within an arm’s space of each other until well after the lights were out and nothing more could be done. The team asked questions; how was their vacation? How was their relationship going? How was Jack dealing with the changes? Spencer and Aaron politely asked that any questions not pertaining to work be asked after work hours. The separation was catching on and people were falling into step with their plan. On a Friday afternoon, Spencer was packing up some case files when Rossi stopped him on the stairs.

“Hey kiddo, when are we gonna have another date?”

“Oh, I’m sorry David. I’ve just been busy lately.”

“Yeah, I know. You still haven’t told me how Scotland went… or where that ring came from.”

Spencer bit his lip and winced. He had not worn the ring to work since they got back from Scotland, but that morning he had slipped it on his finger to look at it and forgotten to take it off. He wondered if the rest of the team had seen it and decided they must have, but had respected his and Aaron’s request for no personal questions during work hours. They seemed to all understand their need to compartmentalize. But Rossi was Rossi and there was that knowing look on his face. 

“Scotland was great… I um… I mean we…”

“We should talk. Not here though. How about you and me go out tonight? I’ll take you to this place on fifty-third. Very old school. You’d like it.”

“Well, I was going to go through the Henning files tonight and…”

“Seven. I’ll pick you up. Wear a jacket and tie.”

“David, I really…”

“Seven.”

“OK.”

###

Spencer tied his tie in the mirror, then tucked a wild lock of hair behind his ear. His “dates” with Rossi had become a fairly regular thing, at least before the trip to Scotland. He recognized that he had a strange relationship with the older man. He was poorly versed in the rituals of male bonding and expectations of behavior, but he was very aware that his time with Rossi was spent more in a Greek fashion than in the typical male bro style. Rossi always insisted on driving him. He always insisted on picking up the bill, despite Spencer’s protests. He always took Spencer’s coat and didn’t sit down until Spencer did first. Rossi treated their scheduled meetings as actual “dates” and even called them that. There was no expectation of sex, but there were affectionate gestures like a ruffle of Spencer’s hair, a lingering hand on his shoulder and at the end of the night, a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Almost normal but not quite. Old school Italian. Something more than that though. A kind of sexless romance. At first the perimeters of this relationship confused Spencer, but after a while he began to relish it and feel at ease with the attention. Rossi gave him an open ear to talk to, and kept his confessions as well as a priest. 

He heard Rossi’s car at the driveway and heard Aaron answer the door. When these ‘dates’ first started, Spencer invited Aaron to come along but he had shaken his head no and said,

“No, you need this time with a mentor, someone you can talk to without me being involved. I think that’s good for you. Besides, Rossi keeps me on my toes. If I don’t keep up, I could lose you to him. The man has some style.”

Aaron seemed to instinctively know that Spencer had never had a male figure in his life he could ask advice of, confide in and learn from. He also seemed to understand that it shouldn’t be him. They were equal partners and neither of them wanted a mentoring program from the other. Rossi stood at the door and chatted with Aaron until Spencer bounded down the stairs.

“Ciao mondiale!”

Rossi smiled, dressed in a neat black suit. Spencer was always impressed by how put together he could be. He kissed Aaron goodbye and saw Aaron completely at ease with the situation, even charmed by it, which was another factor Spencer was confused about. 

“This is weird, isn’t it?” Spencer asked in the car. 

“What?”

“This whole thing. I mean, you actually take me on dates, the way you would take a girl on dates.”

“Kiddo, a lot more happens when I take a woman on a date.”

“Yes, I know that, but what we do doesn’t conform to the expected behavioral standards of men. Not plutonic relationships.”

“True. But you mention conformity. Now, where on my face does it say ‘this guy gives a fuck about what’s considered normal?’”

Spencer smiled at that. 

“Nowhere.”

“I go out with you because you’re brilliant, you’re beautiful and I enjoy your company. I have plenty of male friendships that revolve more around a traditional manly man kind of thing, but I feel like you’re more evolved than that. I also like to give Aaron something to worry about.”

“I could never leave Aaron. Not for anyone.”

“I know that, kiddo. What I mean is, he better treat you right because if he steps out of line, I’ll be there with a net and a baseball bat. I love him like a brother, but he makes work his number one priority and he needs to make sure that priority is you. So, let me show him how its done.”

The ‘place on fifty-third turned out to be a very exclusive annex of a country club that catered to a lot of capitol hill types who smoked $300 cigars and all drove Mercedes. It was rich wood paneling and $3,000 Italian cut suits. Rossi asked if it would bother Spencer if he had a cigar and a glass of scotch and Spencer assured him he wouldn’t mind. He had no desire for either and stuck to coffee. Rossi did not bother with small talk, which Spencer was grateful for. He just reached out across the table and took Spencer’s hand, examining the ring and rubbing circles into Spencer’s palm, which seemed wonderfully pleasant and strangely not typical at once. 

“He asked you.”

“Yes.”

“Good. Smart man. Are you planning a ceremony?”

“We’ve been talking and we both think just a simple courthouse thing. Nothing fussy…”

“A wedding can be elegant without being fussy, Spencer.”

“I know. We know, but we have to keep it quiet because of work and…”

“A small ceremony then and you can use my house, in the garden. Just family and close friends. Nothing fussy, but something with meaning. Kiddo, you’re getting married. Don’t cheat yourself. Guys can enjoy a wedding too, y’know.”

“All the wedding stuff seems goofy to me. I have no idea how to do any of that stuff.”

“Then don’t. Do what feels right. Look, how about this… we set up a very simple but elegant party and you two get hitched. Just a party. Nothing wedding-ish about it. Just one of my formal garden parties. I’ll take care of everything. Talk it over with the fiancé.”

Fiance. The word lingered in his ears and made his eyes widen.

“It still doesn’t feel real.”

Rossi nodded and puffed on his cigar. A waiter took their order and when Spencer tried to order something cheap on the menu in an effort to be kind to Rossi’s wallet, Rossi scoffed and insisted he order the sea bass, claiming they were famous for it. Spencer winced at the cost and Rossi waved him off. 

“How’s the sex?” Rossi asked, not even waiting until the waiter was out of ear shot.

“I um… it’s… complicated.”

“I see. The wounds are very fresh. That’s bound to cause problems. But Aaron’s being patient about it?”

“More than patient. I mean, we still… you know… do things. It’s just that most of the time it’s hard for me to… you know, get through all of it.”

Talking to Rossi on their dates was like confessing to a priest. Spencer had been in therapy three times a week and it was not nearly as effective.

“You’re gonna be OK. You know that, right?”

“I’m not sure.”

There was a long pause before Rossi nodded and gulped down the rest of his scotch.

“Give me a guest list and we’ll get this wedding done right. Figure out a date for the ceremony, kiddo. It’s happening.”

It was Spencer’s turn to take a long moment of silence.

“It was something really beautiful to me. You know… sex. It only happened a few times before… you know, Charlie Kincaid. But… it was something gorgeous and special, and then Charlie Kincaid did things to me while I was drugged. I keep remembering little bits and pieces and it all becomes ugly and terrifying. I can’t seem to reclaim myself from that. It’s like that dark part owns me now and I can’t own myself again.”

Rossi reached across the table and touched Spencer’s face, despite the fact that the suited, cigar smoking senators were staring at them. Instinctively, Spencer found himself nuzzling his face into the warmth of his hand. Socially acceptable? Probably not, he thought. His weird relationship with David Rossi had crossed professional and social lines months ago. 

“Sometimes ritual can help,” Rossi said. “Maybe you need to create your own ceremony to reclaim that part of yourself. Jung advocated for the marriage of the self, a defined moment when a person would claim ownership of their mind and body. Like a ceremony to create a focused point of healing.”

“I’ve read about that. There are therapists in Germany that are doing that with patients. In my case, ceremonial ritual was a part of the terror.”

“Which is why it would be powerful to create your own and establish control.”

Spencer dipped his head and stared at the floor.

“I don’t want to get married not owning myself.”

“Then light a candle, kiddo.”


	7. Reclamation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer decides he wants something a little different...

Aaron had never subscribed to the idea that love was a monogamous venture. He had been lucky enough to find Haley, who believed the same. They had experimented and engaged with third partners, even what some might call ‘affairs’ and their marriage had survived all of the consensual interruptions. It had been work and obsession that ruined their marriage. Aaron was obsessed with his work and felt a loyalty to it stronger than family and friends. It was his massive flaw. His achilles heel. His last hope was to be a good father to Jack, and to be a good partner to Spencer. It was his second chance. He knew Spencer held fairly Darwinist ideas about sexuality, monogamy and relationships, ideas similar to his own. They discussed this several times in Spencer’s droning clinical way. They now had an understanding of what was expected, what was allowed and personal boundary issues. They owned their own bodies and souls. Neither believed that ownership was a part of their relationship. Sex outside their relationship would be a natural thing under the conditions laid down by both; that the sex partner be someone respectable, protection was used and they were honest about it before and after. Deception was betrayal. 

Aaron had noticed that Spencer was getting pretty close to David Rossi lately. The two went on outings that most people would consider dates. Their relationship was not strictly plutonic. There was something else there. That was fine with Aaron. He understood Greek relationships and as a younger man had explored one himself. He knew Spencer needed an outlet for his thoughts and frustrations. He knew David would never harm Spencer or take advantage of him. He knew the two had not engaged in sex because he trusted both Spencer and David enough to know they would have told him. Spencer had been spending even more time with David lately while they worked on planning the wedding, which David assured them both would not be ‘wedding-ish’ at all. Still, he had insisted Spencer come along and help pick out flowers, table centerpieces and listen to a cellist who David wanted to play at the party. David had cleverly avoided using any terms like reception. At first Spencer had been reluctant, but David charmed him into enjoying the planning process. Aaron had protested any fussing at all, but David shut that down,

“Aaron, you did this before. You had the big wedding with everyone there and the flowers and the music and the fuss. But this is new for Spencer. He’s young and he might not know it, but at least some kind of fuss is nice. He needs to loosen up and enjoy this and that’ll be harder if you put on a stink face every time it’s brought up.”

“I understand that, David, I just…”

“Shut it.”

“Fine.”

The fact was, after a few times out looking at invitations and table linens, Spencer started coming home smiling and excited. Aaron was glad David didn’t let him miss that. David was undeniably an increasingly important figure in their lives. Every Thursday they invited David to the house (to Spencer’s place, as Aaron’s was still sparse and didn’t really feel like a home… they spent most of their time at Spencer’s place) and they had dinner together. David and Spencer did most of the cooking, as Aaron was a dunce in a kitchen. Every Thursday, Aaron noticed the subtle interactions between Spencer and David, the way David’s hand lingered on Spencer’s shoulder just a little too long, the way a fingertip brushed over a lock of crazy Spencer Reid hair, the way David looked at him. It was clear that David had an undefinable love for Spencer, and that Spencer returned a kind of love and respect that Aaron was not sure there was a name for. Aaron searched himself for jealousy and found none, which surprised him. David’s closeness was good for Spencer and Spencer was unlike anyone Aaron had ever known. 

It was a Thursday evening with Spencer and David in the kitchen when things shifted into the strange. David brought over a recipe for a pasta dish and was teaching Spencer while Aaron tossed in the occasional comment, pretending to help. He saw David dip his thumb into the sauce and he saw David hold his finger against Spencer’s lips, Spencer’s mouth sucking away the sauce and then blushing that familiar pink. A stare that was just a moment too long. Spencer’s shiver. David cleared his throat to break the mood and Aaron sat forward with his elbows on the table, watching. 

“Sorry kiddo. I think we’ve crossed a line here. Aaron, my apologies.”

“Actually…” Aaron began. “Spencer, are you OK with it?”

“It feels natural. I don’t know what is socially acceptable in this case. I like being this way with David, but I know it’s not normal. Does it bother you?”

“No, it doesn’t. It’s your body and your mind. You do what feels right.”

“Aaron, you sure about this?” David asked. “Because if he’ll let me, I won’t be able to keep my hands off him.”

Aaron chuckled and looked at Spencer, who licked his lips.

“Spence, it’s all up to you. I trust David.”

Spencer seemed a little breathless, and caught off guard. He turned back to the boiling water on the stove and focused on making pasta. Aaron met David’s eyes with a silent but understood communication: be patient, be aware, be careful with Spencer. A deeply ingrained threat was there too: fuck with Spencer the wrong way and I’ll put your ass in a sling. Words were not needed. David nodded and Aaron saw the silent agreement there. A show of respect. 

They got through dinner, some small talk that Spencer did not engage in. Sports, wine, a triathlon, a good book off the bestseller list (Spencer had never heard of it), a movie in the cinema (Spencer had never heard of it) and their trip to Scotland, which Spencer piped in on occasionally. Aaron and Spencer did the dishes and David made after dinner coffee. It was in the living room, in front of the fireplace that Spencer said,

“I made a ceremony.”

“What, baby?” Aaron asked, then silently admonished himself for calling Spencer baby outside the bedroom. To his surprise, he did not get the annoyed glare he usually did. 

“We talked about creating a ceremony, a focused moment when I could reclaim myself from trauma. I talked about it with my therapist and she thought it was a good idea too. Since I have most of the bad memories during sex, I think… I think that should be a primary element of the reclamation. I need to face my fears and burn them out with people I love.”

“I think that’s very evolved, Spence.” Aaron said. They had discussed it before, but it seemed that now Spencer had made the final decision. 

“Would it… um… I mean…”

“Out with it, kiddo,” David laid a hand on Spencer’s back.

“I would like to have both of you be a part of that moment.”

There was a long silence, and Aaron broke the silence when he saw Spencer shift uncomfortably.

“Just to clarify, you want both of us involved with the sexual aspect?”

Spencer nodded, then looked embarrassed. Aaron decided to take charge. Sometimes Spencer needed that. 

“David,” Aaron said. “Would you be interested in joining us? I’m sure you understand that this would be a very important moment in Spence’s life and…”

“I would be honored.”

Spencer piped up,

“David, I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry… I know it’s weird…”

“Are you kidding me? You’re giving me the chance to make love to you and you’re sorry? Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there. And Aaron, Spencer, all rules and expectations will be respected.”

“I appreciate that,” Aaron nodded. “Spence, are you OK?”

“Yes. I feel… very lucky to have you both in my life. I don’t feel that way often about people.”

“Hey, kiddo, come here…”

Aaron watched Spencer move closer to David, nervous and unsure. Aaron nodded to him, giving permission. He watched David pull him close and kiss him, soft and careful, testing the water. He saw David sigh and say,

“That was as sweet as I thought it would be.”

“You… thought about kissing me?”

“Every day.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I would never want to upset either of you, and if I couldn’t have that part of you, I was content with your friendship… and I still am.”

“Can this happen… now?” Spencer looked at both of them and Aaron nodded, looking at David, who nodded too.

“Tell us the rules, Kiddo.”

“No rules,” Spencer said. “If I want to stop, I’ll say so. I want to experiment with both of you and see what it’s like. I want to bury the bad memories and cover them with new ones. Good ones.”

“Spence,” Aaron said. “Go upstairs and start a bath. I’ll be up in a minute. I want to have a talk with David.”

“Everything OK?”

“More than OK. We just need to have some understanding among the two of us is all.”

“I understand.”

Spencer went up the stairs and when he was out of ear-shot, Aaron turned to David and gave him a rare smile.

“You really OK with this?”

“Aaron, I’m in love with him. I will never come between the two of you. Never. But I adore that kid and if you’ll permit my intrusion, then I would love to be part of his life. It doesn’t have to be a polyamorous relationship. I’m not asking to be the other. I just want to be there for him.”

“Be patient with him. When we’re in bed and he gets scared, he turns his head to the side and closes his eyes. That’s a sign, so watch for that.”

“Is there anywhere he doesn’t like being touched? And particular places he does?” David asked.

“Not really. He likes his arms being pinned down. If you bite at him a little, he goes crazy. He likes a little submission and I think he probably is a natural at that but I haven’t done that much with him. I didn’t want to scare him.”

“Do YOU have any rules? Any limits, Aaron?”

“No. Just be careful with him.”

“Of course.”

Aaron took a deep breath and then shared a gentle laugh with David and patted him on the back. 

“I’ll go up and get the kid started. Meet us in the bedroom?”

“With bells on.”


	8. Dreamless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer explores his sexuality and battles his past with Aaron and David.

Steam filled the bathroom and Spencer sank deep into the old claw foot tub, letting the heat soothe him. He laid his head back and thought of that island off the coast of Washington state, remote and wild, the cave there where Charlie Kincaid had strapped him down and… he let the memories come this time, not fighting it or blocking it out. He let the memories wash over him and make him shake. He had to let it in. You cannot battle what is hidden, he thought. He closed his eyes and allowed it in, making it a meditation. Spencer was a creature of habit and ritual. As a child he had always been angry when his routine was disturbed. His mother had suspected a mild form of autism, maybe Aspergers but refused to saddle him with a diagnosis. 

As an adult, he learned to cope with change more elegantly and sometimes even welcomed it into his life. Aaron had been the biggest change, and now David, though his feelings for them were entirely different. He was in love with Aaron. He was not in love with David, but he loved David. Aaron was his partner in life, his closest love, his soon-to-be husband. David was some strange mixture of best friend, mentor and priest. Spencer wanted them both to help him crush the demons he dealt with, because they meant the most to him. And maybe since they dealt with so much darkness in their lives, only they could understand. And only they had been there with him in that cave. Only they knew how bad it really was. He wanted to know happiness from them, and maybe return some of that to them. He felt no stigma about being with two lovers. He had never been taught that it was something to be ashamed of. He had never really been taught anything about sex and love as a youth. He had only books to learn from, and the ancient texts were full of such relationships and sexual encounters. He knew Aaron had an open relationship with Haley and he knew David was a libertine about such things. He examined the idea. No, there was no shame. 

He raised his head out of the water when he heard the creak of the door opening. Aaron stood there, watching him wash the soap out of his eyes. Aaron leaned against the side of the bathtub and reached a hand in to swirl the water around as if testing its heat. 

“You don’t have to answer me, of course, but…” Aaron began. “Why both of us?”

The answer came quick and natural.

“Because I want to.”

“I get that. It’s your right to do…”

“No, what I mean is… all my life I’ve catered to other people. I cater to my mom, my job, my professors, my friends. I never do what I want to do. I never take something for myself. I’ve been conditioned that way. My wanting something is never a good enough reason to take it. When Charlie Kincaid took all the power away from me, I realized I never had that much control over my life to begin with. I have never reached out and done something for no other reason than I wanted to. Something good, and pleasurable and strange and wonderful… it would make me feel guilty before. But now? I just know that I want this. I want to be able to express love and sexual pleasure and need with people I love and I know being with two people is weird…”

“Not really, Spence. A lot of people have had threesomes. Nothing to be shy about.”

“I don’t want you to hold back this time. I want both of you to completely enjoy it. No holding back. I want you and David to do what you want and if that means overwhelming me, I want to feel that too. I want to feel the two of you where the wounds are. Aaron, break the headboard.”

Spencer stood up when Aaron unfolded a towel and opened it, letting Spencer step out of the tub, his skin steaming. Aaron dried him, slipping fingertips through his damp hair and down smooth collarbone. 

“You’re so sexy, Spencer Reid,” Aaron whispered hotly in his ear.

“In the bed. It’s so good in the bed.”

In the bedroom, Spencer felt the cool cotton of the sheets against his back and thighs when Aaron laid him down. They did not turn off the light and Spencer was vaguely aware that it was on and the room was flooded with light and he was naked and he was shy but somehow he didn’t care. He was bare to the world. It felt new and a kind of sacrifice. He tilted his head up to kiss Aaron and felt the warm wetness of his mouth. The faint taste of mint mixed with the scent of his aftershave. Spencer arched his body upward, wanting to touch, to feel anything. Aaron moved to the end of the bed and stroked the bottoms of Spencer’s feet, which was something between pleasure and being tickled, a completely new thing. Aaron had lifted one of Spencer’s legs and was kissing his ankle when there was a tap on the door.

“Come in,” Aaron said, and went back to pressing his lips against Spencer’s skin. 

Spencer saw David enter the room and resisted an instinctual urge to cover himself with a sheet. 

“Hi David,” Spencer said, blushing, not sure what else to say. The words sounded awkward. What do you say when your best friend walks in on this kind of thing and is going to join you? 

“Hey kiddo.”

They didn’t need to say anything else. David slipped onto the bed, wedging himself against the headboard and pulling Spencer up to lay with his back in David’s lap, head against his shoulder. It was comforting. It felt warm and perfect. Aaron’s kisses moved up his leg and lingered at the space on the inner part of his knees. One of the scars was there, a thin raised line where Charlie Kincaid had strapped him down. Aaron traced a fingertip over it and Spencer winced, trying to fight the memory from bubbling to the surface. He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes.

“It’s OK. You can remember,” David said, tracing a fingertip over the shell of his ear. “You can break and we’ll patch you up again.”

To Spencer’s surprise, he was able to let himself go, to remember the awful moment and feel the searing pain of the past and allow it to happen without fear. He allowed it in. He was safe. He was with two men who would not let him shatter into pieces that could not be fixed. There was a staggering amount of freedom in that, knowing he could be saved from a fall. He let the memory in, shuddered and saw Aaron look at him, waiting for permission. He nodded and gave it and the warm touch of Aaron’s lips moved up to his thigh. David held him tightly and stroked fingers through his damp hair. The memory passed and then there was only Aaron and David and pleasure again.

“Spence,” Aaron’s voice was low and steady. “That was the first battle and you won.”

Spencer smiled softly and felt Aaron nip a little bite into the flesh of his thigh. He could only gasp and sigh and squeeze David’s arm tighter around him. He felt David’s hand move down over his chest, fingertips lingering at a nipple to toy with it until it peaked. David brought his hand back up and slipped a finger into Spencer’s mouth, wetting it on his tongue before returning it to the nipple to lightly pinch and pull. Aaron’s kiss moved up over the sensitive flesh of his hip and lingered on another scar, this one a bit deeper, the remnants of a cut made by Charlie Kincaid’s knife. Spencer jolted, his head turning to the side and David stroked his hair and kissed his ear to calm him.

“Aaron, he’s back in that dark place again.”

Spencer barely heard it, as the voice was hovering somewhere distant. He felt the fear rush through him, prickling over his skin and weighing him down.

“Spence…” Aaron’s voice. “Spence, let it happen.”

He did, though it felt like being hit with a powerful wave. It washed through and he violently shuddered. But Aaron gently kissed the scar and grazed over it with the tip of his tongue, and David kissed a hot trail over his ear. Spencer came back from the dark recess of his mind and connected to the present, the wave of horror giving way to allow pleasure and love back in. When he relaxed again, Aaron nipped at his thigh and feathered a fingertip over the flat plain of his stomach, making him jolt and giggle.

“Oh, he’s ticklish,” David said.

“We just recently discovered that,” Aaron smiled and did it again, pulling the same reaction. Spencer curled and jolted.

Spencer reached out and grasped for both of them, feeling Aaron’s sleeve and the rough denim of David’s jeans. There was something erotic about both of them being dressed while he was completely naked. He felt… submissive. A plaything. It excited him and just touching them made him grow hard. David’s hand snaked around and down his chest to grip his cock in hand and stroke a few times, making Spencer’s breath hitch. He felt Aaron’s mouth envelop him, lips sliding down the shaft to meet David’s fingers and back up again. The synergy of them working together destroyed his ability to think at all. Everything was a blur. He reached and grasped for them and felt the sublime pressure of hands and mouths pressing in on him. The stiff pressure of David’s erection bulging in his jeans pressed against Spencer’s back. 

“Aaron… take off your clothes… please… I want to see…”

“Patience, Padawan,” David said and Spencer smiled at the Star Wars reference. “He’ll get to that. We’re taking our time here.” 

And then Aaron’s mouth was on his cock again, and David’s hand was gripping and pulling and feeding it into Aaron’s mouth and Spencer was worried he might come just like that.

“If you keep doing that…” Spencer gasped. “I won’t be able to hold out.”

Aaron shocked him when he slid the cock out of his mouth with an audible pop and then slapped it with the back of his hand, watching it bounce back and forth. Crude, Spencer thought, but my body is reacting to it. Aaron saw the reaction and did it again, giving him a slightly harder slap and then a tug that pleasurably bordered on painful. He saw Aaron grin wickedly and felt fingertips dig into the soft flesh of his hips, the fingernails pressing and dragging down. He winced but it felt good, the hint of pain merging with pleasure.

“He likes that,” David said with a smile and Aaron nodded, dipping his head to lick a hot trail over his cock. 

“He likes to beg too, and he loves it when you talk dirty to him.”

“I think we can make him beg,” David slipped a hand down his chest again, tugging roughly at a nipple and making Spencer wince and then sigh. “Does he like his asshole licked?”

Hearing the crude words made Spencer more excited than he would have liked. It seemed base to be excited about something like that, just dirty talk… and the act itself… he had never heard of someone doing that. Why would someone do that? And why, he thought, is the idea turning me on?

“I haven’t done that with him,” Aaron said, sliding up to kiss and suck a tormented nipple. “Not yet.”

“Would you like that, Spencer?”

“Mmm? I… I don’t know… people do that?”

Both Aaron and David smiled gently and Spencer felt stupidly unversed in human sexuality.

“Some people do,” Aaron said.

“I don’t really know anything. I mean, I never watched… you know, porn or anything… I’m sorry I’m pretty ignorant about these things…”

“And you have no idea how exciting that makes it for us, to be the first ones to show you new things,” Aaron took a moment to kiss his lips and he melted under him. Behind him, David kissed and bit at his neck. “Tell us what you want.”

“I want… I want to… I want to have both of you… in my mouth… please…”

Aaron nodded and Spencer watched him unfasten his jeans. He felt David move from behind him and begin to unfasten his belt. Instinctively, Spencer slid to his knees, the hard wood of the floor a little painful but somehow that made it better. The two men stood before him and unzipped to pull out beautifully hard cocks. Spencer felt the sigh leave his body, though he barely registered it. He was so lit up that he felt as if he might be floating above himself, not inside his own body. A strange boldness had taken over. He reached to touch both, almost clinically at first, his curiosity taking charge. Aaron, familiar and heavy and slightly curved upward. It twitched at the slightest touch and Spencer resisted an inexplicable urge to just toy with it a while. David was different. Uncut, shorter but thicker, darker, and a little confusing. Spencer gave it a stroke and pushed the foreskin up, revealing the angry purple head. He leaned forward to taste Aaron with his tongue, and sucked the length into his mouth. He was more careful with his teeth this time. Aaron stroked a lock of his hair and traced a thumb across his temple. Spencer shivered and sucked harder, hearing that patented groan of Aaron’s. Spencer looked up and grinned,

“That’s so sexy.”

And he saw Aaron turn a little pink.

“It’s involuntary.”

“The kid’s right,” David said, a bit too casually. “That’s sexy as hell.”

Aaron gave Spencer a gentle push in David’s direction.

“Go over there, before you make me come with that beautiful mouth of yours.”

Spencer took David’s cock in hand, not letting go of Aaron’s with the other. He pressed a kiss to the head, hesitantly, and then braved a little lick to taste. Tasteless, velvet-soft skin. He decided to see if he could make David groan that way. He suddenly took the whole thing in his mouth and pushed down, sucking him in fast and hard. He felt the groan and the warm weight of David’s hand on the back of his head. David took a handful of hair and gently pushed and pulled and Spencer decided he liked that. He sucked harder. David pushed and pulled harder, bucking his hips into his mouth. 

“Aaron, take note. Your boy likes it rough.”

“I thought as much. Careful with him. I like my toys back in one piece.”

It was Spencer’s turn to groan. Apparently, dirty talk was a serious thing for him. He decided to just allow himself that base longing. He moved back to Aaron and sucked him in feverishly, stroking David with his other hand. He knew his work was sloppy, not very practiced at all, but it was such a release, a divine thing to give pleasure that he didn’t think to care. He couldn’t think at all. He was completely in the moment. It was only when Aaron grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him forcibly off him did he realize he had been sucking so hard it probably hurt. 

“Baby, ease up or you’ll pull my dick off,” Aaron said, then stroked his cheek to soften the blow.

It was David who hooked his arms under Spencer’s and lifted to get him to stand up and bend over the bed. Spencer wasn’t sure why but that made the memories flood back in with startling force. A floodgate opening. Spencer was bent over the bed and he was shaking.

“It’s OK, Kiddo,” David said softly, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Spence, you’re safe. You’re with us. Let it happen. Let it roll right over you,” Aaron whispered in his ear.

He allowed it in, the horror of it, the helplessness and the sickening weakness it caused. He did not move. He was determined to not allow it to ruin everything. He would let it in, and make it his bitch. The two older men were patient. They gently stroked his hair and waited, letting him handle the emotional ebb and flow. Sooner than he expected, it retreated like a tide. 

“I’m OK,” he assured them.

“I know you are,” Aaron said. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Don’t stop.”

“Are you sure?” Aaron asked.

“Please. Feels so good.”

It was David to gently kicked Spencer’s legs apart with the toe of an Italian leather shoe. But it was Aaron who knelt down behind him and spread him open, exposing him. Spencer gasped and struggled not to instinctively close his legs. He felt Aaron’s warm, wet tongue dart against the secret little puckered hole. It felt terribly wrong and wonderfully pleasurable at once. David moved to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling Spencer over him to suck the thick cock into his mouth again. Spencer could not help but instinctively reach behind him to grasp for Aaron, but Aaron gently batted his hands away and eventually rose up just a little to say,

“David, if he reaches back here again, you hold his hands down.”

“Gladly.”

Spencer groaned again and sucked harder, trying to keep his hands on the bed. He couldn’t and he felt David roughly grab his wrists and pin them behind his back effortlessly. When Aaron stood up and reached for the nightstand drawer to get the condom and the bottle of lube, Spencer was trembling, unable to control himself. He moved up a little and David pushed his head back down on his cock,

“You keep sucking. You’re not done yet.”

Again, the crude words made him shiver. He felt the large, warm hands on his hips, the slick wet fingers pushing into him and working him just a little bit roughly. Careful actually, but more vigorous than he had in previous encounters. Spencer rocked his hips with it, inviting him in. He was pushed forward suddenly and gagged when the cock pushed into him. There was a little burn, just a slight sting and then the pain flourished into pleasure when Aaron immediately found his prostate and pumped against the sensitive spot, making Spencer lose his mind. David pulled him up off his cock and held him up with one hand carefully but firmly around his neck. Spencer decided this was another base pleasure he might some day be addicted to. He forgot himself and he moved his hands from behind his back.

“We told you not to move your hands. Now,” David gave him a little slap on the cheek and hen another on the other cheek with the back of his hand. A tiny slap, nothing really, but it made Spencer go wild. “Keep those hands behind your back or I will take my belt to you. Believe me, kiddo, I will tear you up.”

Dirty talk, he thought. Yes, so perfect.

David reached under to pinch a nipple again and Spencer struggled to keep his hands behind his back. 

“You can tie me up… I mean, if you want…” Spencer gasped.

“Not this time, Kiddo. There’s a whole discussion that has to take place before we do that. Now, you just keep your hands behind your back and if you’re good, maybe Aaron will make you come.”

It was the brush of David’s sleeve over his shoulder that made the memories surface again, and this time, they roiled to the front of his mind with a ferocity that shook him so hard he felt hot tears on his face. Aaron stilled himself but did not pull out. He stayed perfectly still. Spencer laid his head on David’s thigh and cried, just for a minute, mumbling,

“Sorry… I don’t know why that happened…”

“Shh, it’s OK, baby. I’m going to stop…”

“No! Don’t. I mean… just stay like that, please. I like feeling you inside me.”

“Spence…”

“Please, keep going. Feeling you will make it go away.”

He felt Aaron slowly, hesitantly begin to move again. He felt David stroke his hair. The new pleasure was layering over the thoughts of horror, burning it away. Spencer raised his head again and fought through the memories, taking David’s cock into his mouth again.

“You don’t have to do that, Kiddo.”

But he didn’t stop. He pushed back on Aaron and felt him thrust his hips harder. Aaron’s hand reached around and stroked him. The fever built again, quickened into a flame and made him forget. He was with those he loved. Pleasure. Playful. Dirty words that meant no harm at all. New sensations. Exploration without boundaries or fear. He let himself go again and felt the climax rise up and overwhelm him. He was vaguely aware of the fact that he was coming and that it was leaving a wet stain on David’s jeans, to which David just smiled and continued to stroke his hair. He felt Aaron’s grip tighten on his hips, his thrusts faster and harder. 

“Kiddo, if you don’t let go, I’m gonna paint the back of your throat,” David warned, almost at his end.

But Spencer did not let up. He felt the tension, the quickening pulse and then the jet of warm wetness in his mouth, David’s groan and shudder. A surge of pride flowed through him that he could make a composed man like David Rossi lose control like that. Spencer struggled just a little, but with a determined gulp, he swallowed it down as David watched, then playfully opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue as if to say ‘not a drop spilled.’ That seemed to have the desired effect because David slapped him on the back and looked ready to keel over when he said,

“Aaron, he’s killing me. He’s just… goddamn.”

Aaron’s turn. Spencer pushed back again, and turned his head to look over his shoulder at Aaron, who was sweating and thrusting and trying not to lose control.

“Aaron? Break the headboard.”

He heard a guttural ‘fuck’ and then Aaron’s complete loss of control. It was hard, and fast and almost brutal, but it felt like hot liquid bliss. He saw David watching them as he stuffed himself back into his jeans as casually as getting dressed for work. Spencer winced when Aaron thrust just a little too hard and he heard David say,

“Careful Aaron. Damn, kiddo, you’re marrying a guy who can fuck like a freight train. He’s gonna wear you out, y’know.”

But all Spencer could do was submit and that felt like an out of body experience. He felt Aaron come, felt the final thrust and Aaron’s beautiful animalistic groan, felt Aaron collapse over him and kiss his back and shoulders. Some trace of reality began to seep back into Spencer’s head, but it was a lazy sleepiness that was a half waking dream. Aaron moved long enough to let Spencer wriggle onto the middle of the bed in a lazy haze and then laid down next to him to circle languid fingertips over his skin. 

“Are you OK?” Aaron asked, and got a dreamy “Mmm-mmmm” in response.

“A little sore?” David asked and got the same sleepy “Mmm-mmmm” for an answer.

“Sleepy?” Aaron smiled. Mmm-mmmm.

The two older men laughed at that and he felt David (maybe it was David?) ruffle his hair.

“I think the boy genius is lights out for the night,” David said.

“I think you’re right,” Aaron said, pulling a limp and rag doll Spencer into his arms and leaning against the headboard.

“Well kids,” David smiled. “I’m gonna drive home and sleep in my own bed. I think you two need some time alone. Kiddo, I’ll be around if you want to talk or need anything at all. Aaron, you too.”

“Goodnight David,” Aaron said, falling further toward sleep himself.

Spencer saw David go to the bedroom door and look back at him. Spencer smiled and David shook his head and exhaled.

“Aaron, you’re a lucky man.”

“I know. I’m marrying a warrior.”

And Spencer fell into a deep sleep, for the first time in months… dreamless.


	9. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little sweet chapter.

Aaron spread out piles of paperwork on his desk and sighed, resigned to the fact that he would likely have to work all night. He would take the paperwork home with him, but somehow he always ended up at Spencer’s house and at Spencer’s house, he never got any work done. His own home felt terribly lonely and cold. Spencer came over occasionally to warm the place up and had insisted on putting up some art prints on the walls and books in the shelves, but it wasn’t the same. Spencer’s place was a warm heart, a beating, living thing full of personality. The worn old leather sofas, the century old bookshelves, the vintage microscope, the little Doctor Who dolls peering out from a shelf full of nerd toys. The TARDIS cookie jar and the throw blanket that Spencer knitted himself. Framed illuminated manuscript pages that Spencer’s mother made. Warm beating heart of life. The most recent addition to Spencer’s home was a framed photograph of the two of them smiling in Scotland, taken in a little Scottish village called Aberfeldy, with a beautiful old clock tower in the background. Spencer had asked a woman passing by to take their photo together and she had smiled and said how happy they looked together. It felt… normal. The photograph hung in a little silver frame on the wall next to the kitchen door. 

Aaron took a moment to open the drawer of his desk and take out the folder full of real estate properties for sale. He had no idea what was going on with the wedding arrangements. He decided to let Spencer take that on with David as his trusty sidekick. Spencer did not seem to mind Aaron just stepping out of the responsibility of that task. 

“I’ll do whatever you want, wear whatever you want and I’ll say I do,” he had told Spencer and that was just fine. “I’m absolute shit at planning things.”

They had decided not keep their own personal spaces until after the wedding and then they would find a new place together. Aaron had his townhouse on the market already and Spencer had given his landlord 30 days notice. They could put the money from the townhouse into a down payment on a new place. Spencer had liked the idea but worried he was not bringing an equal share of money into the partnership. Aaron told him not to worry about it. He was much younger and had not had the decades to save up the way Aaron had. Spencer’s reaction, in typical Spencer fashion, was to insist on getting financial planning advice from David, who had managed to amass a respectable fortune and invest wisely. Spencer wanted to learn everything, reading finance books David gave him and taking notes. Aaron set the photographs of the three properties he thought Spencer would like the most on the top and stared at each one for a while. He had shown Spencer the photos but not the prices of the properties. They had walked through some of them, but Aaron had asked the agent not to tell Spencer the costs. He didn’t want Spencer worried about money. Spencer always worried about money. Spencer had instantly fallen in love with one in particular. It was a Cape Cod style three bedroom - enough space for Jack to have a bedroom and still have a home office. It was fairly close in to the city but still residential enough to have a small garden area for Jack to play. It was only twenty minutes from work and six blocks from the library which was Spencer’s second home. It was also the most expensive one by far. Spencer didn’t know that though. Aaron had done the calculations and figured they could afford it with a little creative financing. He briefly considered just buying the place and sticking a bow on it, but he figured Spencer would feel unequal in the venture. Still, the place was perfect. He put the folder back in the drawer when Garcia knocked on the door.

“Sir? Are you busy?”

“I’m always busy, but come in.”

“I hope this isn’t too inappropriate, but the work day is almost over and I wanted to talk to you before you go home.”

“What is it, Garcia?”

“I just want to congratulate you and Reid on your engagement. I haven’t really had a chance to say it yet and I’m so happy for you.”

Aaron smiled, and Garcia looked startled for a moment, like her cat suddenly began to talk.

“Thank you, Penelope.”

“Penel… OK it’s always weird when you call me Penelope. So, um… if you ever… um… need anything, anything at all, all you have to do is ask.”

“Thank you, Penelope. And while you’re here, I have something for you. I would mail it, but I’d rather give it to you in person.”

Aaron reached into his briefcase and pulled out a handful of the wedding invitations Spencer had picked out and found the one addressed to Penelope Garcia. He placed it in her hand and she looked at it as if it might sprout wings and fly.

“Sir? You’re inviting me?”

“Of course. Why would you think otherwise?”

“I… I just… thank you. Sir.”

Aaron let a smile linger but she stared at him moon-eyed for a little too long and he had to switch back into work mode.

“I look forward to seeing you there, Penelope.” He paused for effect. “Now, Garcia, get back to work.”

“Of course, Sir.”

He had invitations to mail and hand out. Spencer had the other half. The big question was how to get Spencer’s mother to the wedding safely and without a lot of drama. She had her routine. She was difficult, but she loved Spencer and wanted to be there to see her son married. Spencer talked about flying out to Las Vegas to bring her back but he was so busy that he had little time. It was David who stepped in and insisted on going to Las Vegas and escorting Diana on the plane. She could stay at his house. He would look after her for a couple of days and then fly back to Vegas with her, back to the hospital. It was slightly risky but Diana really wanted to be there and David had insisted that if he could handle federal cases of serial killers and hunting down the world’s worst predators, he could certainly handle caring for Diana Reid for 48 hours. 

David’s relationship with Spencer seemed to have slipped easily back into a mentoring friendship, though there were still the lingering looks, the slight brushes of fingertips against Spencer’s cheek, almost undetectable by anyone that didn’t know any better. After their night in bed together, there was no awkwardness and no fear. Aaron once chewed out David in his office for getting a little too affectionate with Spencer at work where others could see, but David had responded with an apology and a promise that it would never happen again and Aaron was satisfied with that. David’s word was always good. Spencer didn’t need the distraction and none of them needed their privacy invaded. David and Spencer had started doing their Thursday night date nights again, and Aaron was happy to see Spencer going out and enjoying himself. Aaron and Spencer reserved Monday nights for themselves, since weekends were for Jack. Scheduling enough time for everyone was a difficulty, but they were working through it. Spencer spent time with Jack and Aaron on weekends but in an effort to give Aaron alone time with his son, Spencer sometimes went to David’s house for the weekend. It was clear that there was sex involved but Aaron felt no jealousy there. Perhaps curiosity. He trusted David and he trusted Spencer. Sometimes Spencer came home and told Aaron what they had done together. Aaron noticed that David never did anything with Spencer that Aaron hadn’t done first. It was a kind of respect to Aaron as the primary partner. 

And Spencer was healing. He was having dark memories less often. He was coming out of his shell both socially and sexually. He was gaining confidence about things other than his intelligence. Aaron gave him space to explore, not just with sex but with every other aspect of life. When he wanted Aaron’s advice, Aaron gave it, but otherwise, he was a grown man, and even though Aaron liked calling him ‘baby’ (usually in bed) he was keenly aware that Spencer was no kid, despite the affectionate terms people called him. Aaron respected Spencer, maybe more than he had ever respected anyone in his life. There was a strength in Spencer Reid unmatched by any person in Aaron’s life. A curiosity for all things. A love of knowledge. A quirky sense of humor. A compassion for humankind. A fierce passion in the bedroom. Aaron had even started to enjoy Spencer’s long winded rants and the slightly nasal voice which Spencer claimed annoyed everyone. The problems Spencer had overcome in life at such a tender age were immense, and yet Spencer battled each one head on, fearless and determined to maintain his compassion and capacity for love. His mother’s illness. The bullying he suffered as a child. The absence of a father. His own mental instability. Tobias Hankel. Charlie Kincaid. The darkness he saw so often in this line of work that would destroy the ability to see light in any other person. Spencer kept a tight hold on his belief in goodness. It was a fragile innocence and one Aaron personally vowed to protect. Even though Spencer would insist he needed no knight in shining armor to come to his side. And he was right, but still. 

Aaron looked at the photo of the house again. 221 Stonehaven Lane. It sounded storybook. It was perfect. Stick a bow on it, he thought. I just want to make him happy. He called Spencer on his cell phone, even though Spencer was right outside in the bullpen, talking to JJ and munching a blueberry muffin, his always there cup of coffee in hand. He watched Spencer answer his cell and look into Aaron’s office with a look of confusion. Aaron grinned.

“Spence, let’s get that house.”

“What house?”

“The one on Stonehaven. Let’s just do it. We can call the agent today.”

“Um… it looks expensive.”

“It is.”

“OK well, we can get something a little more affordable.”

“We can make it happen. I figured it out. I have an apartment in Greensborough I rent out by the week to corporate renters. We can sell it and that makes up the difference.”

“Aaron, we don’t have to…”

“Let’s do it,” Aaron said, determined. 

“You know, the hospital my mom is in… it’s very expensive. I still have some of the money I won in Vegas and that’s how I pay the bill every month, but that money has to go toward the hospital…”

“I know that. I can pay for the house. Just let me do that, OK?”

“I should cover half.”

“Let me take care of this, just this one time, OK Spence?”

“I… all right.”

Aaron called the agent immediately and arranged another walk through for that evening. He put down a holding fee and imagined where that framed picture would go.


	10. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Spencer get married.

The sound of mingling voices and the resonance of a cello playing Paginini filtered through the slightly ajar window of David’s bedroom. Spencer stood in front of a full length mirror, looking at himself with an uncomfortable half smile. The dove gray suit he had spent too much money on because his mother told him he had to have at least one nice suit and patent leather shoes David gave him for Christmas made for a nice look. Nice, he thought. He looked… nice, which was about as much thought as Spencer ever put into what he looked like. Penelope had helped him with his hair, playing the role of chipper ‘bridesmaid’ and taming the mad mop into something close to respectable. Penelope gave him a neatly wrapped box with a ribbon and insisted he open it in David’s bedroom, which was for all intensive purposes, the dressing room. (Aaron had taken the upstairs guest room.) Penelope made a last tweak to his hair, pulling a lock of it out of place and mussing it up just a bit.

“There,” she stated with authority. “That’s the Dr. Spencer Reid I know. Now, open the box, boy wonder.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and carefully unwrapped the neat little box while Penelope looked on. Inside were four small items. A pair of antique looking silver cufflinks, a pair of newer looking silver cufflinks, a beautiful old chronometer watch and a pair of mismatched blue argyle socks. 

“Something old. Something new. Something borrowed and something blue,” she said, then picked up the cufflinks. “I found the old ones in a vintage shop downtown and they screamed Spencer Reid. The new ones are made with little meteorite chips. I thought you two could each wear one of each pair. The watch was my father’s. When I was little, I used to stare at it all the time and when he died, my brother inherited it but he gave it to me because he knows how much I love it. So, that’s borrowed. And the socks are blue, so, ya know, self explanatory.” 

Spencer was overwhelmed and had an urge to hug Penelope which usually went against his nature, but he wasn’t sure if that would be acceptable to her.

“I… thank you, Penelope.”

“Yes, you can hug me.”

Spencer smiled and they shared an awkward and lovely embrace. He took a deep breath and exhaled as she fixed one of each of the cufflinks to his sleeve.

“I’m nervous,” he said, his voice cracking like a teenager.

“Of course you’re nervous. You’re getting married. Everybody’s nervous at their wedding. But you’re marrying Aaron Hotchner, who is not only fantastic husband material but also a sublimely hot piece of ass. You’re going to be very happy, Spencer Reid.”

###

David had outdone himself. Though Spencer had helped, he had not been able to foresee what the party (wedding!) would actually be like. The result of their work was a beautifully elegant and not at all overdone garden party. Spencer had been concerned about the party being too fussy. Too wedding-ish. But David had impeccable taste and the result was elegant simplicity. Everyone they cared about was there; the team, Spencer’s mother and two aunts, Aaron’s brother and sister, Aaron’s mother (his father had refused to come and Aaron claimed he didn’t care), Spencer’s handful of friends from the sciences lecture series at CalTech, an old friend from MIT he had not seen in years and Aaron’s best friend from college. David had tracked everyone down (with a lot of help from Penelope) and sent them invitations and Spencer had not even known he had done so. Aaron’s mother had brought Jack and the little boy was chasing a firefly around the garden while Aaron and David looked on, laughing at Jack’s unending energy. Aaron turned and met Spencer’s gaze, smiling that 10,000 watt smile that so few people ever got to see. Spencer felt his heart thump. Long harvest tables were set up, draped with pale gray linen and simple centerpieces of wildflowers. Strings of lights draped overhead. On the other side of the garden a clearing hosted several rows of white chairs, illuminated lanterns hanging from overhead tree branches. 

It didn’t even feel like reality when David called everyone to sit for the ceremony. It happened quickly, and to Spencer’s shock, he was not afraid. An officiant called Aaron and Spencer to the front and gave a reading of a poem by Maria Rilke before asking them to read their vows. They had written their vows together one night over a bowl of popcorn and an ill fated game of Trivial Pursuit (Spencer let Aaron win). The vows were simple, honest and contained the realistic glimpse of what marriage was really like. They promised to keep a mutual respect, to appreciate each other’s time and efforts, to treat each other as equals, to learn together, to be there through sickness and health, to be honest with each other and to always put the cap back on the damned toothpaste. Jack ran to the front with his usual boundless enthusiasm, carrying the rings in a little box.

“Hi Daddy. Hi Spencer.”

Aaron ruffled his son’s hair and picked him up, planting a kiss on his forehead before taking the rings and putting Jack back down. The boy ran back to Aaron’s mother and grinned at a job well done. Spencer looked out and saw his mother and saw her smile and nod. 

“Do you, Aaron Hotchner take Spencer Reid to be your lawfully wedded partner…”

It was happening. Spencer felt a warm glow.

“I do.”

“Do you, Spencer Reid take Aaron Hotchner to be your lawfully wedded partner, to have and to hold…”

“I do.”

“I now pronounce you…”

It was done. And Aaron was kissing him. It was chaste. Respectable. Moms were there after all. He was hazily aware that people were cheering and clapping. David sat next to Diana and Spencer saw his mother smiling and laughing with David, charmed by him the way most people were. Spencer felt Aaron take his hand and saw that smile again. It felt perfect. Champagne was poured, people congratulated them and eventually everyone migrated to the harvest tables where a catering company began bringing out a painstakingly detailed dinner that David had insisted on fully planning himself. Aaron’s mother said a few words about how she hoped her son had found happiness. David gave a speech that charmed everyone. Two of the finest people I know, he had said. Crystal glass clinked together. Diana approached Aaron quietly and simply said,

“Take care of my son, Mr. Hotchner. There is no one else like him on this green earth.”

Aaron swore to her that he would do so and Spencer knew he meant it. 

Spencer’s nerves had calmed and a languid, pleasant comfort had settled in by the end of the night. The guests had been wonderfully kind and supportive and Aaron was… breathtaking. His husband. He rolled the thought around in his mind. It seemed unreal and solid all at once. He squeezed Aaron’s hand to make sure he was really there. When the last of the guests were gone, David wished them well and gave them both his forehead Godfather kiss before going off to smoke a cigar. They had decided against a ‘honeymoon’ as they had so recently had the long vacation in Scotland. They would just have a nice, quiet weekend at home. No interruptions. Some old movies. Order in. True peace and quiet. 

“Let’s go home,” Aaron said, and took his hand, leading him to the car. On the way to Spencer’s house, Aaron turned on the wrong street.

“You missed the exit,” Spencer said, pointing behind him.

“No, I didn’t.”

Another wrong street, and then another, and soon they were in a familiar neighborhood dotted with well kept gardens and a profusion of wisteria everywhere. Aaron pulled the car into the driveway of a Cape Cod style house… THE house. 

“Aaron, what did you do?”

“Hush. No protesting.”

Aaron led him to the front door and slid the key in the door. The door opened to a completely empty house, except for the bedroom. A low lying platform bed was neatly made with soft blankets and pillows. The coverlet was strewn with rose petals. Around the bed were little lanterns lit with candles, making the bed seem more like an altar. In a corner of the room were stacks of Spencer’s favorite books.

“My books,” Spencer said, dumbfounded by how thoughtful Aaron could be.

“I was planning to read to you.”

“Among other things, hopefully.” Spencer turned to kiss Aaron. Husband. What a crazy and wonderful idea. You… got the house?”

“No, I got OUR house.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“You really need to stop calling me that.”

Spencer smiled and pushed Aaron back on the bed with a playful shove. In a flash, Spencer was on top of him, straddling Aaron’s hips and kissing him, frantically fumbling with Aaron’s tie and the buttons of his shirt.

“Hey, easy now. We’ve got all night.”

“Need you right now… can’t wait…”

“Take what you want, Spence.”

And Spencer couldn’t wait another moment.


	11. Frontline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron puts Spencer at the frontline in a dangerous case, and must defend his actions to Rossi and to himself.

The sanctuary of the plane gave some small degree of comfort. Knowing that another monster was behind bars was a feeling unsurpassed by any other pleasure. The bruises on Aaron’s shoulder didn’t matter. The lines etched deeper at the corners of his eyes didn’t matter. The exhaustion was simply part of the job. Alan Dale Baker had murdered and dismembered six women in the state of Texas and the death penalty was almost a certainty. It was over. Their week in the farming town of Abel, Texas had been a hell none of the team ever wanted to repeat. The gruesome violence, the sweltering heat, the buzzing of tiny gnats that seemed to be everywhere, the brutal sun. Their flak jackets had stuck to their sweat slick skin and they had needed to dust resin onto their hands to keep a firm grip on their sidearms. Aaron had put Spencer on the frontline, sending him in with JJ into the grain silo that Baker had used to hold his two latest prisoners. It sent a pang straight to his gut to send Spencer to the front, but he knew it was the right move tactically. Spencer had a way of talking to disturbed people, a way of negotiating emotions and bringing the situation to a close without a shoot out. He was also a damn good shot when he needed to be, and he seemed more resilient to the punishing heat than the rest of the team. 

Twenty minutes later, Spencer came out of the silo with JJ covering him, Spencer leading two young women out, their bodies slack and barely able to walk. Baker attacked Spencer and managed to leave a few deeply discolored bruises and one knife slash that needed stitches. Together, Spencer and JJ disarmed Baker and cuffed him to a steel bar in the silo. Morgan and Rossi went in to deal with booking Baker and bringing him into a nearby Sheriff’s station. Aaron watched Spencer leave the silo with an audible groan of relief. He also caught Rossi’s glare. On the plane, Rossi draped himself into the seat across from Aaron and lowered his voice to a whisper.

“You put him out in front, Aaron.”

“It was the right move.”

“I could have taken the lead.”

“Not as well as Spence… Reid. You would have passed out from the heat. So would I. Spence… Reid wasn’t even bothered by it. I couldn’t risk making a decision based on my feelings for him.”

“That’s cold, Aaron.”

Aaron slammed his book closed and glared at Rossi.

“No, it isn’t. He’s my partner. He’s the love of my life, but he is also Dr. Spencer Reid and a goddamned FBI agent, David. I can’t be trying to protect him while on a case. Dammit, you know that.”

There was a long silence between them and both glanced at Spencer, who seemed to be ignoring them, his nose deep in a book. 

“Aaron, I just…”

“He’s not a kid.”

“I know that,” David claimed. He was David outside of work, and he was Rossi on the job.

“Do you? We’re trying to make this work, and it’s hard. Do you think I want to watch him on the frontline? I’m terrified he’ll take a bullet. I break into cold sweats thinking about him being taken down by one of these psychopaths, but he is an agent and he is capable… probably more capable than any of us and I can’t treat him like a baby. It would take apart his soul. He would hate me for it.”

David seemed to ponder this a while and then nodded, slapping Aaron on the knee.

“My apologies, Aaron.”

“Nothing to apologize for. You’re trying to protect him and I appreciate that.”

“How are you holding up, Aaron?”

“Sunburned.”

David smiled.

“How is Jack?”

“Doing well. I’m going to look at schools with Haley this weekend. You’ve got to get the kids in early nowadays, you know. There is a waiting list for the good private schools. There is a whole complicated process.”

“Spencer going with you?” David asked.

“No. This is a thing for me and Haley to deal with. He’s staying home.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah. I tried to talk him into going out to one of his nerd conventions or something but he said he’s feeling anti-social lately.”

David paused, and Aaron could see he was looking for a way to be diplomatic.

“Do you mind if I take the kid out of town for the weekend?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“There’s a nice place in Montclair I think he’d like. Nothing dramatic planned. Just some good food, good music…”

“Yes.”

“Good sex.”

“Ah, I see,” Aaron smiled.

“But if you’d rather we keep it just friendly, that’s not a problem, Aaron. I’ll respect your boundaries, of course.”

“No, it’s not a problem as long as Spence likes the idea. Like I said, I don’t own him, and I trust you. But… does he have those memories when he’s with you?”

Aaron saw the slight hesitation.

“Sometimes. When he does, I just give him some time. He doesn’t share his thoughts on that subject with me the way he does with you.”

There was something darkly pleasing about that.

“And he’s… happy… when he’s with you?”

“He’s safe. I think that means a lot to him. Aaron, I love Spencer dearly, but he’s yours and his time with me is just time spent enjoying each other’s company. Sex might be involved but I have no interest in having the kind of relationship with Spencer that you have. We’ve got our own thing and that’s enough for me. I think Spencer would find the idea of leaving you for me laughable.”

“I’m not worried about that…”

“Yes you are. It’s an understandable concern. But there’s not a chance in hell.”

“I’m glad to hear that, David. Yeah, take him somewhere nice for the weekend. He’s been moody lately and after this week he needs the break. Just… don’t tell him you asked my permission first. It’ll piss him off.”

David smiled at that and nodded, going to sit next to Spencer, leaving Aaron to his paperwork.

###

Moving boxes filled with their belongings were scattered throughout the house on Stonehaven Lane. Most of the stuff was Spencer’s, considering Aaron had left all the furniture and belongings he used to have with Haley after the divorce. The bedroom was their sanctuary from the mess of boxes and plastic wrapped furniture. Aaran watched Spencer unpack a box of books and get distracted by each one he took out to put on the shelf. 

“Spence, it’s going to take you hours to do it that way,” Aaron said, smiling.

“Can’t help it. Books just… can’t help it.”

“Well, David’s going to be here soon to pick you up and you’re in a bath robe.”

“Hmm, I should get dressed. Are you sure you’re OK with this?”

“Spence, we talked about this.”

“Yeah, but you’re entitled to change your mind.”

“Are you coming home to me when you’re weekend of experimental sex is over?”

“Of course,” Spencer kissed him and he resisted the urge to grab him and press him against the wall, push him down to his knees and…

“Then I’m OK with it. Come here…” Aaron couldn’t help himself. 

He pushed Spencer up against the wall and pulled open the cotton bath robe. Clean, damp skin, warm from the bath, scent of soap and aftershave. Cotton sliding off of his shoulders and pooling at the floor. Naked flesh. Beautiful. Aaron pushed against him, feeling the sublime feeling of Spencer’s instant erection against his hip. 

“Aaron… when David gets here… I told him to just walk in… and he’ll be here any minute…”

Aaron kissed him and bit at the soft flesh of his neck, which seemed to always drive Spencer crazy. 

“Then he’s going to walk in on me fucking the living daylights out of you.”

“Aaron…”

“On your knees.”

He felt the hitch of breath, the heated little moan against him and the surrender.


	12. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some hot, D/s threesome sex. Hotchner/Reid/Rossi. A Reid sandwich.

Spencer was never able to shut his brain off. The constant thoughts, shifting and burrowing and evolving at breakneck speed, kept him awake at night and only through active meditation did he ever manage to get any sleep. At work, the force of it flowed in a focused pattern, kill-smart and bordering on supernatural in accuracy. He had no relief from his own mind. Except... When Aaron touched him. When Aaron grabbed his hands and pinned him against the wall, covering his mouth with warm lips and tongue, Spencer could think of nothing but that very moment in time. Math didn't exist. Medieval history went right out the window. Defenestration. Maps and equations and codes and ciphers and... Pointless. He could only feel heat and skin and lips and fingers and... It was too much to consider anything else.  
Over the months they had been together, Spencer learned to surrender to that feeling and to embrace it, though in the beginning it had frightened him. Aaron had taught him to feel it and David had taught him to let go. Aaron encouraged him to ask for what he wanted and David taught him that it was acceptable to let a little darkness inside. Spencer loved the threat, the idea that David could walk in any minute and see him this way, pinned against the wall, and Aaron ordering him down on his knees. The idea of David watching... Or joining in, made Spencer shiver. Aaron's hot breath on his ear,  
"I'm going to mark you before you go, so you remember you're mine."  
And Spencer could do nothing but drop to his knees and breathlessly fumble with Aaron's belt until he had the front open and he could see the thick stalk hardening in a nest of neat, dark curls. He opened his mouth and flinched when he heard the door open.  
"What? Does that make you nervous?" Aaron asked, grabbing a handful of Spencer's hair and turning his head to look at David, who shut the door behind him and raised one eyebrow.  
"Gentlemen, if I'm interrupting, I can come back later..."  
"Not at all, David. In fact, I could use your help. I think the kid needs a little rough." Spencer saw David smile and set his jacket on the arm of the sofa.  
“Well, let’s put him to work then.”

Spencer reached to slip a hand down the front of Aaron’s jeans but Aaron batted his hand away, a little rougher than usual.

“Did I tell you to use your hands?” Aaron asked.

“No.”

“No what?”

“No Sir.”

“That’s good. You want to play like this, then do it right. You use your mouth. Hands behind your back. If I see those hands out again, I’ll spank you. And don’t you dare touch yourself either. If you do, I’ll let David spank you and he’s meaner than I am.”  
Spencer knew that wasn’t really true. In fact, when it came to being a strict taskmaster, Aaron was the better of the two. David always caved in to Spencer’s desires. David always, in some ways, treated him like a fragile thing. He liked that sometimes, but not all the time. The idea of either of them spanking him gave him a thrill. It was something he had fantasized about many times before but had been too shy to ask for. Still, he had a natural longing to obey Aaron in the bedroom and he slipped his hands behind his back and laced his fingers together. He sat back on his haunches, knees slightly apart and made his back rigid straight, his head tilted down, staring at Aaron’s shining black shoes. 

“Jesus, Aaron, did you teach him that?”

“No. He’s just a natural. He did that completely on his own.”

The warm palm of Aaron’s hand pressed against the back of Spencer’s head and fingers fisted into his hair, pulling his head back to look at Aaron in the eyes.

“That was good,” Aaron said with a wicked grin that sent a rapid pulse through Spencer’s veins. “But I like to see your pretty face when I make you hard.”

The harsh words again, that rush of excitement edged by shame took Spencer to another place. He couldn’t think of numbers, of words, of facts or fiction, of murder or statistics or cause or reason. He could only think of what might come immediately next. The present moment consumed him. He stopped caring that he was naked. He stopped caring that he was hard in front of both of them and that they could see his scars, his flaws, his complete self. All he wanted was to make Aaron happy, to make David happy, and to not think for a while. He closed his eyes when Aaron bent to kiss him and struggled to not move his hands from behind his back and grab onto him just to be able to feel him. 

“Look at that,” David said. “He can barely keep it together. He’s starving for you. Aaron, give him a little taste before he springs off the floorboards.”  
Spencer saw Aaron grin and each into the front of his jeans and pull out the thick length of his cock, holding it in front of Spencer’s face. He held Spencer’s hair with the other, fixing his head in place. Aaron stroked himself and Spencer did not realize it but his mouth was opening, tongue snaking out to try to taste hot, velvety skin. All he knew was that he wanted it in his mouth. A singular force of thought. 

“Let me see how much you want it,” Aaron teased, holding it in front of his face but not letting him get close enough to touch. “Go ahead, lean in.”

He leaned in, supported only by Aaron’s hand holding a handful of his hair. Aaron took a step backward and Spencer had to crawl forward on his knees to keep up and not fall over. It was humiliating to be teased like that, but it felt weirdly good and he wanted more. 

“Spencer, that’s called being cock hungry,” David chimed in, oddly casual, which turned Spencer on even more.

“Just a little further, Spence. C’mon, just a little more…”

And then Aaron let go of his hair and Spencer fell forward, instinctually breaking his fall with his hands. He stayed that way, on his hands and knees, the veil of his hair around his face for a long moment and heard the ‘tsk tsk’ click of Aaron’s teeth.

“I told you not to move your hands.”

“I tried, but…”

“Don’t talk back to me,” Aaron dipped down to swat him on the backside, getting a jolt from Spencer. “I told you not to use your hands and you did. David, you remember me telling him not to use his hands?”

“I remember that very clearly.”

“And yet, you used your hands,” Aaron said and shook his head slowly, disappointed. “And what did I say would happen if you used your hands?”

Spencer stammered, completely engaged and overwhelmed,

“You… you said you would… spank me.”

“That’s right. That eidetic memory is coming in handy. Too bad you can’t follow some basic fucking directions. Now, I’m going to give you five smacks because anymore than that and you’d start to like it, and then you’re going to put your goddamned hands behind your back and keep them there until I tell you otherwise. Do you understand?”

Spencer opened his mouth to say yes, but Aaron grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked him forward with no mercy, shoving his cock into Spencer’s open mouth and almost gagging him.

“Now you can answer. That’s how I want you to answer all questions; with a cock in your mouth. Now, do you understand?”

Spencer nodded, tasting the hot, velvet flesh on his tongue.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Yes… Sir…” his voice was muffled and it was humiliating, but that blushing rose of shame felt like a fork of lightning straight through the core of him. 

“Good. Do want this to continue?”

Spencer nodded again and Aaron shoved his head down on his cock again, gagging him.

“Out loud.”

“Yes… please… Sir…” Voice muffled and strained, but the words were clear enough. Permission. Consent. He couldn’t imagine stopping now.

“And what do you do if you want to stop?” Aaron asked.

Spencer demonstrated by dramatically shaking his head no, side to side, and then smacked his hand on the floor three times, like tapping out. He then quickly returned his hand behind his back. They had played a little roughly before and decided that was a good way to be perfectly clear.

“Good boy.”

Spencer felt Aaron’s grip on his hair loosen and instinctively he began to lick and suck. Aaron grabbed him again and pulled him off, denying him the pleasure.

“I didn’t say you could suck me off, genius. Not yet anyway. Go into the bedroom and get condoms and whatever else you want to play with, but you CRAWL in there and you bring it back in your mouth. Now, go.”

Spencer scrambled to obey, all thoughts of dignity erased. He was heated pink, blushing with embarrassment as they watched him crawl on his hands and knees into the bedroom. It occurred to him briefly that once he was out of sight he could stand up to make it easier for himself and Aaron would never know, but he would know himself and he couldn’t bring himself to disobey. He even pulled the dresser drawer open with his teeth because he thought Aaron would be pleased with that. He reached in and found two condoms, a small tube of KY gel and a riding crop that Penelope had given them as a joke for the bachelor party they never had. They had not used it, but he wondered what it would feel like now. He tucked the things into his mouth neatly and crawled back into the living room, taking on the sitting position that seemed to have pleased both Aaron and David earlier. He dipped down to drop the condoms and lube onto the floor, then picked up the riding crop in his mouth again and looked up. They both stared at him with glossy dark eyes before Aaron said,

“You’re such a good boy.”


	13. Submission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirty, sexy threesome stuff.

Spencer watched Aaron’s polished black shoes step across the floor toward him, each step with a calculated click of the heel on wood. Aaron reached to take the crop from Spencer’s mouth and he held it in front of him, examining it, stroking a fingertip over the braided leather handle. 

“You want to play with this?” Aaron asked.

Spencer opened his mouth to say yes, but then shut it and nodded instead.

“See David, he remembers the rules,” Aaron smiled that wicked smile again and Spencer glanced to the side to see David sitting casually on the sofa as if this were something normal, something completely common. “Spence, go to David. Show him what a good boy you are.”

Spencer crawled to David, his knees pushing painfully against the hardwood floor. He jolted when he felt the smack of the riding crop on the tender flesh of his ass. He stopped crawling, instinctively reaching back with one hand to rub the soreness away, but Aaron smacked him on the back of the thigh with it and he jolted again.

“I didn’t tell you to stop crawling,” Aaron said. “Crawl to David, then put your hands behind your back where they belong. Unless you’re crawling, those hands better stay behind your back. Understand?”

Spencer opened his mouth to answer yes again, but caught himself and nodded. He jolted at two more smacks of the riding crop before he reached David, who looked down and smiled softly at him. A little gentleness, and something like admiration. David’s warm hand caressed Spencer’s cheek and Spencer nuzzled his face into it, aching for any touch of any kind. 

“He’s so sweet,” David said. “He gets excited and he just can’t think of anything else. It’s really beautiful. He’s like a purring kitten.”

Another smack on the ass with the riding crop and Spencer jolted and winced, then remembered to put his hands behind his back. 

“Did that hurt, kitten?” David asked.

A strange flash of both annoyance and heat at being called ‘kitten’ but he bit his lip and nodded yes.

“This feels so good for you, doesn’t it? Being able to let go of everything else and just become an instrument for pleasure?Tell me what you’re thinking right now…”

Spencer closed his eyes and sighed,

“It’s like being pulled in different directions and at the very center is this…”

Smack! The riding crop came down hard on the soft fleshy cheek of his ass and he felt Aaron’s fist curl into his hair and yank his head back.

“I told you the rules, Spencer. The rules haven’t changed. You do NOT speak unless… unless what?”

Spencer watched Aaron stroke his own cock for a moment and he moved to take it into his mouth again. Once he had the hard, silky flesh in his mouth, he mumbled around it,

“Yes, I understand.” 

But Aaron pulled it away soon after and shoved Spencer back down to David’s lap. Spencer knelt in front of David, hands behind his back and saw David smile.

“Cock hungry?”

Spencer blushed and smiled and looked down because he couldn’t bring himself to look anyone in the eyes. David unfastened his belt, unzipped and reached inside and Spencer had to actively clench his hands together behind his back to not reach out and take the thick length into his hands and devour it. 

“You hungry, Spence?” Aaron said, grinning. The little leather loop at the end of the crop moved over the back of Spencer’s naked thigh, making him wince in anticipation. Spencer nodded yes. “Good, because you’re going to suck some cock until one of us tells you to stop. And you will NOT stop unless you’re told. Understand?”

Spencer nodded silently and laced his fingers behind his back, struggling not to let go. 

“Good,” Aaron said. “Now, bend over and show David what a good little cock sucker you are.”

And he did, and he couldn’t think of anything else on earth. There were no problems, no equations to solve, to case to worry about, no social expectations to conform to. All he knew was the base and beautiful task of giving pleasure and receiving it. He could only feel the warm, silky flesh sliding across his tongue and the large, confident hands moving over his thighs. He knew Aaron had knelt behind him and had bent to kiss the small of his back, giving him a little jolt. Spencer had no idea what Aaron might do and the anticipation tinged with fear excited him more than he wanted to admit. Aaron’s hand reached under him and gripped his cock, roughly tugging and slapping, testing the way it bounced a little. Slight humiliation in that, Spencer recognized somewhere in the back of his mind, and I like it. Fingertips exploring his thighs, moving up over the gentle roundness of flesh to the crease, dipping down again to grip his balls in hand and toy with them roughly. Spencer moaned, his mouth full and busy. David’s hands tangled in his hair, working him a little harder. He felt Aaron bend down and nip and bite at the fleshy cheek of his ass, then smack him with the open palm of his hand. Spencer jolted and moaned, sucking harder and faster.

“Oh, that’s what he likes,” Aaron said, and Spencer felt the second slap, and the third, each one followed by a pinch on the newly tormented flesh. “Tell me, Spence, do you like the crop… or my hand?”

The crop was a stinging sensation, whip thin and sliced through the air with a barely audible but beautifully terrifying whistle. Aaron’s hand was warm and heavy and made a thud and a clap sound that sounded like soft thunder, making the skin blossom with heat. Both were good. Both hurt. Both felt sublime. He raised his head and gasped,

“I don’t know… both feel… I can’t think, Aaron… everything feels so good…”

“God dammit,” Aaron sighed and Spencer realized his mistake. He quickly lowered his head back down and began to suck again. “No, it’s too late now. You already broke the rules. David, you saw him break the rules, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I saw it. He should know better by now.” David stroked a thumb across his cheek, strangely comforting and threatening at once. 

“Spence, you know the rules, don’t you?”

Spencer mumbled a muffled ‘yes’ and felt a smack of Aaron’s hand on his ass. He winced and shuddered. Another smack, harder this time, and then another and another. 

“Planning on breaking the rules again, Spence?”

“Mmm mmm,” Spencer mumbled.

“Good. Now if that happens again, it will be the riding crop instead of my hand.”

Spencer continued his work, trying to not feel the hot blush of shame at the frantic, wet noises that were the result of friction and suction. Neither of the older men seemed bothered by those noises at all, Spencer noted to himself. David even gently pushed Spencer’s mouth up off him and held his head there a moment, saying,

“Spit.”

“Mmm?” He didn’t dare use words. 

“Spit on my cock, kitten.”

Kitten again. A brief flash of anger at being called baby-names, then the hot blush of desire immediately after. A confusing emotion. But Spencer obeyed, even though the action was another base thing. He spit, wet and dripping, and then plunged back down again to suck, realizing that the spit made it easier. Aaron’s hands opened him up from the back and he felt the cool, slick gel being worked into his anus by deft fingers. It was careful but quick, and not at all like the slow, languid secret touch that Aaron usually had. There was a kind of careful brutality to it, a hard efficiency. An instrument, Spencer thought. I’ve become an instrument, or a toy for their pleasure, and this somehow makes me feel elated. Then, a rough, searching finger inside of him, working and stretching, followed fairly quickly by a second finger. Aaron worked him open like a thing to be used. Spencer felt the smack on his ass and the fingers pushing and ramming inside and then finding that terribly sensitive spot. A jolt and a gasp and then another and another until Spencer could not stop from opening his mouth and crying out. In a distant part of his mind, he knew he was coming. He knew that he was leaking a puddle of semen on the floor, or maybe down David’s pant leg, and that it was another base humiliation. It felt… freeing. It was no longer his concern. They would control him and he had no worries at all in the world. The base things didn’t matter. Only this moment mattered. He cried out and felt the climax, felt Aaron replace fingers with the thick head of his cock and push forward, driving Spencer’s mouth down on David and gagging him with an embarrassing gurgle. David must have seen the heated blush of shame on his face because he stroked his hair and said,

“You’re very sexy, Spencer Reid. It’s beautiful to watch you. Aaron, he’s fucking gorgeous.”

Spencer actually FELT the smile of pride in Aaron.

“He’s so beautiful, isn’t he? You just barely touch him and he lights up. Kiss him and he melts against you. He’s always ready and he always wants more. I’m so lucky he’s mine.”

Spencer pulled himself off of David’s cock just a moment and gasped out,

“Aaron, I love you.”

“Shh, I know baby. Now hush and get back to work before I whip your ass again.”

So Spencer obeyed, or at least tried to. The feeling of Aaron’s cock deep inside him was too much to let him focus. Aaron moved faster and harder until Spencer could feel nothing but white hot bliss. He didn’t even realize for a while that he had stopped sucking and his body had gone slack, his cheek pressed against David’s thigh. They did not reprimand him. Aaron fucked hard and fast, and David stroked damp tendrils of hair away from Spencer’s face.

“Does that feel good, Kitten?” David asked. Spencer didn’t care what they called him anymore.

“Yes, feels… so good…”

There was a flash of excited fear. He had broken the rules and spoken with his mouth empty, but they ignored it and Aaron pumped into him until he found his release.

“Look at that, Aaron, he’s coming again,” David said, and Spencer could feel the climax again.

Aaron finished with a guttural groan and that familiar rumble in his chest, and then smacked Spencer on the ass again before withdrawing.

“That ass is yours, David.”

The crude words made him shudder again. David coaxed him to stand up and Spencer obeyed on quivering legs. 

“Come here, Kitten. I want you on my lap.” 

Spencer straddled his lap and felt large, warm hands embrace him, hard cock brushing against his own. David reached down between them and fisted both in his large hand, stroking them together and making Spencer moan. 

“Think you can make him come again?” Aaron asked, draping himself into a chair to watch the spectacle. “Third time’s a charm.”

“I’ll milk him dry.”

Spencer felt the most odd sensation then. He felt excited, humiliated and blissful… and he started to cry. 

“You alright, Spence?” Aaron asked, the bravado momentarily gone from his voice.

“Yes, don’t stop, please. I’m just… overwhelmed… in a good way.”

“Good boy. Do what David tells you to.”

Spencer nodded and felt David pull him down, aiming the thick length of cock against the puckered passage and slowly letting him sink down on it. 

“You get me off and maybe I’ll let you come,” David whispered, his voice dropping to a low growl.

David gripped Spencer’s cock and balls in one hand, squeezing and pulling up, preventing Spencer from being able to climax. Spencer moved a little, rocking and trying to find his place.

“Did you not hear the man, Spence?” Aaron said behind him. “Ride it.”

Spencer did not hesitate any longer. He began bouncing on it, ignoring the burning shame, the humiliation of such a graceless way of moving. He bounced and pushed himself up, hands on David’s shoulders, feeling David’s hands on his hips. He rode him that way fast and hard until he felt David tense up and growl, his hands releasing Spencer to let him climax at the same time. When it was done, Spencer collapsed in David’s arms, breathless and spent, sweat slick and consumed by bliss. It seemed that a long time passed and all he could do was listen to the two of them breathe. 

“Spence?” Aaron’s voice, somewhere in the room, then Aaron’s warm hand on his back. Gentle again. His Aaron.

“Mmm?”

“Are you OK?”

“Mmm.

“Can you move?”

“Mmm mmm.”

He could hear the smile in the words as Aaron said,

“David, I think we might have to peel him off of you.”

David laughed gently.

“He’s heavier than he looks.”

Spencer felt himself starting to drift into sleep.

“Spence?”

“Actually, Aaron, if you don’t mind, I’ll just let him sleep this way a while. I think we wore him out.”

“I think so too. OK, well, I’m going to take a shower. You two have a cuddle. Spence,” Aaron bent down to kiss Spencer’s ear. 

“Mmm, Aaron?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Can David stay the night? I mean… in bed… with us?”

He saw Aaron look at David, silent arrangements and permissions made without a word.

“Of course he can, if he wants to.”

“You sure you don’t mind, Aaron?” David asked, stroking a damp lock of Spencer’s wayward hair behind an ear.

“I don’t mind.”

“Mmm, thank you. Oh, but I’m sorry,” Spencer said sleepily.

“What for?”

“David snores like a bear.”


End file.
